The Happy Monster and The Annoyed Flea
by ZS Fan
Summary: An annoyed Izaya deals with a happy, drunk Shizuo. Shizaya crack. Plot later on
1. Chapter I

_This is a really old fic from years ago, I recently stumbled upon it. Not sure if I'm continuing this. OOCness abound. This shouldn't be taken too seriously. It's crack~but I hope it's funny and will make you smile :)_

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_._

_._

_In which there is a Happy Monster and an Annoyed Flea_

.

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Yagiri Namie had seen many strange things in her life, especially while working for that bastard Izaya, but what was in front of her eyes took the cake.

"…Is that Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"Iza-yaaaa-kuuuun~"

…Well, that answered her question.

"Shut up!"

Namie watched in amusement as Izaya glared and tried to shove the clingy blond away.

"Do you know how mortifying it was for me?! Everyone was looking! Even Shiki-san looked at me like I was crazy!" The raven haired man ranted, "He won't let go of me! He even had the gall to _carry_ me! I had no choice but to make my way home with this _idiot_ drunk Shizu-chan!"

"Izayaaa~I hate you~" Said idiot drunk Shizu-chan nuzzled into Izaya's neck, smiling, "I hate you so muuuch~"

"I hate you too Shizu-chan so let go of me ALREADY!"

"…He doesn't' look like he hates you." Namie had to say.

"You are _NOT _helping, Namie-san!"

"Well," Namie leaned back in amusement as she watched as Izaya twitched as Shizuo nuzzled his neck happily, "How did this happen?"

Izaya sighed and glared at the happy monster nuzzling his neck.

"It's all Simon's fault."

...

**A few hours earlier, in Ikebukuro **

**...**

Izaya hummed as he skipped happily towards Russia Sushi with a suitcase in his hand. Simon was in front calling out to people as usual, and he turned as Izaya approached.

"Ah, Izaya! Ootoro today, yes?"

"Ah not today, Simon," Izaya waved his hand with a smile, "I'm just here on some business."

Simon nodded, and turned his head, "Ah, Shi-zu-o! Feeling better, no?"

Ah shit. Izaya prepared to reach for his knife and his feet prepared to dash away, until they froze to the spot when he caught sight of Shizuo.

Shizuo was smiling.

Shizu-chan was smiling. At him.

The sight was so unexpected that Izaya froze as Shizuo stumbled towards him. He soon recovered, and smirked tauntingly, "Hey Shizu-chan, that expression doesn't suit your face! A monster like you should-oof!"

When Izaya had regained his bearings, he realized that Shizuo was behind him with his arms around his waist.

"…Eh?"

"Izayaaaaa-kun~ didn't I tell you not to come to Ikebukuro~!"

"Of course you did Shizu-chan-" Izaya let out a gasp as the monster of Ikebukuro nuzzled his neck. He turned his head, staring incredulously.

"Shizu-chan…what are you doing?"

"Hugging you, Izaya-kun~!"

Izaya stared at Shizuo's happy expression and flushed cheeks, and twitched.

"…Shizu-chan you're drunk aren't you?"

"Mmmm…" Shizuo continued nuzzling his neck like it was his favourite sweet.

"…I thought Shizu-chan didn't drink alcohol?"

"Izayaaa-kun~I hateee youuu~"

The frustratingly unpredictable protozoan merely smiled wider and nuzzled his neck more.

Izaya was speechless for a while, his arms slack, until he managed to get his vocal cords working again. "I hate you too, Shizu-chan, so…" he managed a smirk and swept a hand as best as he could from his position. "Won't you let me go?"

"Nooooo~" Shizuo replied far too happy for the angry monster he knew, "I finally have the fleaaaaaaa in my grasp, I'm not letting you goooo~"

"…Shizu-chan, really…" Izaya sighed and turned to Simon. "Simon…a little help here?"

"Help?"

"Yeah. Would you be so kind as to get this…clingy protozoan off me?"

"But this good!" Izaya stared as Simon grinned widely. He nodded in satisfaction. "Shi-zuo and Izaya no fight! Shizu-o happy and no violent! No violence is good! Violence and fighting bad!"

"Simon-"

"Izaya and Shizuo now good friends! Ikebukuro now peaceful!" Izaya twitched, "Fighting bad! But peace good!"

"Peace~~~" Shizuo echoed drunkenly as he smiled and clung to Izaya.

Simon's smile widened. "Yes, peace." He gave a thumbs up. "Shizu-o drunk good."

"Simon," Izaya deadpanned. "Please don't tell me you did this on purpose."

"I? Purpose? My purpose is no fighting for you two," Simon waved his huge hands. "Shizu-o drunk suits this purpose. Good that Shizuo came to Russia Sushi and drink sake!"

"Why did you give him sake?"

"Hm? Shizu-o sad. Sad men drown sorrows in sake. It Japanese custom, yes?"

"…He must have drunk a lot of sake."

Simon nodded. "Shizu-o very sad! He drown huge sadness in sake!"

"I think you mean angry," Izaya sighed as he glanced at the smiling Shizuo. "So this is why he's happy now?"

"Happy Shizuo good! Happy Shizuo is no violent! No violence good! Happy Shizuo is peaceful!"

"I am not at peace." Izaya saw fit to point out.

"Ah but happy Shizuo and Izaya is peaceful!" Simon smiled. "This good opportunity for you to make friends! Very good!"

"I do not want to be friends with this protozoan!" Izaya jabbed a finger at Shizuo.

Shizuo merely smiled and hugged him tighter, "Izayaaa~" he slurred. "Flea small…body small…but nice to hug…"

Izaya stared at him incredulously. "Simon," he said weakly, "This is not being friends. Shizu-chan is harassing me!"

"No, Shizu-o no harassment! Shizu-o only want to be Izaya friend!"

"Simon-"

Izaya was cut off by the sound of his ringtone. He grimaced and slipped his hand into his jacket to take his phone out, and answered the call quickly. "Orihara Izaya here. Yes, Shiki-san. Ah yes I have the items you require. I apologize, I was unfortunately sidetracked- wah! Stop it you damn protozoan!"

"Orihara-san?" Shiki said with slight surprise.

"S-Shiki-san," Izaya spoke, eyebrow twitching as he glared at Shizuo, who dared to blink at him innocently. "I apologize, I was not addressing you. A certain unpredictable monster saw fit to…impede me and delay my journey. I'll be coming over right now." He nodded. "Yes. I'll see you soon."

Izaya flipped his phone shut and slid it back into his pocket. He glared at Shizuo. "Really, Shizu-chan. I have to meet a very important client. So unhand me this instant, will you?"

He grumbled as he rubbed the bruised spot on his neck. Damn monster, sinking his teeth in like that…what the hell was he? Food? Some disgusting sugary sweet?

"Who?" Shizuo asked.

"A very important client." Izaya repeated with emphasis. He smirked, "So let me go, alright?"

Shizuo seemed to think for a while, before he smiled and shook his head, "Noooo…" he mumbled, lowering his nose back into Izaya's neck. "I…Izaya…go."

"Huh?"

Izaya said. Oh great now the protozoan wasn't even capable of basic Japanese grammar.

"I go with Izaya…" Shizuo said cheerfully, brown eyes sparkling in a very annoying way. "Not leaving the fleaaaa…"

"Shizu-chan," Izaya said slowly. "I am not walking through Ikebukuro with you like this."

"Whhhyy?" Shizuo drawled.

"We are enemies, remember? Shizu-chan hates me and I hate Shizu-chan. We try to kill each other," Izaya gave the most taunting smirk he could muster, "Right…Shizu-chan?"

"Kill…flea."

"Yeah!" Izaya couldn't hold back his relief. "You want to kill me, Shizu-chan. Not hug me."

"Kill…"

Shizuo murmured. He blinked again and then dashed Izaya's hopes by smiling and tightening his grip around Izaya's waist.

"Flea is mine to kill…but flea is nice to hug… so today no killing flea…no want to hug dead body…"

Izaya deflated. "Please kill me." He deadpanned.

"No killing flea~" Shizuo said happily.

"No killing good!" Simon beamed.

Izaya felt as if the whole world was against him. He let out a heavy sigh. "Shizu-chan," he said almost pleadingly, "I can't walk with you like this! At least get off, will you? You're heavy!"

To Izaya's horror, Shizuo pouted at him. "But I don't want to let flea gooooo…" his brown eyes unhidden by his sunglasses blinked. "Flea nice to hold…"

"But I can't move like this!" Izaya protested, glowering as he struggled in Shizuo's arms.

The monster didn't budge. Damn monster and his unbeatable strength!

"Seriously, Shizu-chan!"

"Hmmm…" Shizuo seemed to be pondering. He blinked, then smiled, "I carry Izaya."

"Huh-wah!"

Before Izaya could process the new incredulous statement, he found himself in Shizuo's arms with the blond grinning at him. "Problem solved, Izayaaa-kun!"

"The problem is not solved because the problem is you, you stupid protozoan brain!" Izaya thrashed in Shizuo's arms, "So just let go of me damn it!"

"Don't want to let go…" Shizuo murmured and started forward as people began to stare at them. "Client…whereee?"

Izaya glared and whipped a knife out and stabbed it into Shizuo's shoulder.

There was a silence as people looked at them and Izaya smirked. Shizuo blinked, and continued moving forward.

Izaya stared. "Shizu-chan?"

"Hmmm?"

"I just stabbed you, you know?"

"Ahhh…" Shizuo blinked at the knife in his shoulder. He looked down at Izaya, then shrugged and leaned his head to the side, taking the knife in his mouth and pulling it out.

Izaya gaped as Shizuo broke the knife with his teeth with a toothy grin as the broken knife fell onto the ground. "Izayaaaa-kun is as weaaak as usual~" he drawled.

Izaya stared helplessly as people around them began to whisper. He caught a black motorcycle with a certain headless rider speeding away out of the corner of his eye and grimaced.

- Why are you going away?! Come and make this stupid protozoan let go of me damn it!

"Kyaaaa! Dotachin, Dotachin! Look!"

"W-What-"

"I know, right! It's Shizu-Shizu and Izayaaaaan! Shizu-Shizu is carrying Izayan bridal style! Like a princess! Kyaaaa! I KNEW IT!"

"I-Impossible…"

"Shizu-Shizu is smiling! Kyaa! He's happy he finally got Izayaaaan! I CAN DIE HAPPY NOWWW~!"

"…Has Shizuo finally snapped?"

"Hey isn't that Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"And that's Orihara Izaya isn't it?!"

"But it can't be! Heiwajima Shizuo is carrying him and not killing him!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo isn't angry?!"

"Orihara Izaya looks angry! He stabbed Heiwajima Shizuo just now!"

"But he broke the knife with his teeth!"

"Heiwajima Shizuo is smiling! He looks happy with him!"

"…Nakura-san?"

"I-Is that Izaya-san?"

"…Orihara Izaya."

"What's going on?!"

If Izaya had been any other person he would have cried in despair and buried his face in Shizuo's shoulder. But since he was Orihara Izaya, he forced a smirk onto his face and looked confidently forward while melting in despair inwardly.

"…Fine then. Onward, Shizu-chan. I've made Shiki-san wait long enough."

"Yesss Izayaaa~"

And as the monster moved forward with the information broker in his arms, Izaya swore that if this ruined his reputation even after he dealt with it, he would find some way to give Heiwajima Shizuo lifetime imprisonment.


	2. Chapter II

Hey again :) Sorry for spamming updates lol. But I kind of didn't do well in my important psychology test, I did rather badly actually, contrary to my expectations since I studied thoroughly...as thoroughly as I could anyway since I had a paper to write before that. So, I'm kind of depressed and decided to write. It's my comfort from reality currently. Everything is always about results and grades. I really wonder why I didn't just go to my friend's university. Tch.

Anyway ignore my grumpiness. And look at Shizu-chan's grumpiness instead~lol. Thanks so much for the reviews~you guys are awesome. As you wanted, here's a continuation :) Originally it was supposed to be a oneshot lol. Now I have to think of chapter titles...I'm lazy to put chapter 1 and what not so I use dots to signify chapter number instead (and for spacing, kills two birds with one stone)lol~Hmm because it's event based I'm using this style I've read a few but enjoyable times. Hope you'll enjoy~

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_. ._

_. ._

_In which there is a Monster who Owns the Flea, An Amused Awakusu-kai, And Aliens_

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. .

"What a…dependable bodyguard you have there, Orihara-san."

Shiki sounded bemused at him in a way Izaya had never heard him before.

Izaya didn't know if he preferred Shiki's previous display of surprise that said clearly he thought Izaya had finally cracked in the head.

Ignoring Shizuo's growls, Izaya forced a smile onto his face, relieved that he had managed to convince Shizuo to let him down before he met with Shiki.

However, his relief was doused when Shizuo growled and arms wrapped around his waist. "Mine." The monster snarled.

Shiki raised an eyebrow, and Izaya said, "Pardon me, Shiki-san," he gave a sigh, trying not to let his eyebrow twitch, "I seem to have acquired…some unwanted luggage."

"Flea is mine." Said unwanted luggage declared. Even without looking, Izaya knew Shizuo was still glaring at Shiki.

"I would not dream of taking anything away from you, Heiwajima Shizuo." Shiki said smoothly. There was an amused quirk to his lips, "And while Orihara-san is our information broker, I am sure you do have your…reasons for your claim."

"Good." Shizuo stated in an almost stable voice, then promptly tucked Izaya's head under his chin, brown eyes flashing at anyone who so much dared to look at Izaya. "What?"

The men exchanged wary glances with each other, then slowly backed away. Out of character, drunk or not, no one wanted to cross Heiwajima Shizuo.

"I…apologize for his drunken behaviour."

Izaya managed with a smirk. His eyebrow was twitching.

"That explains it."

Shiki said, but still looked undoubtedly amused. As amused as the red haired man beside him, who did not even try to hide his amusement as he let loose a series of snickers, which eventually evolved into guffaws.

"Ha...ha ha ha! Aww, why so grumpy, Orihara? You have free bodyguard service! From Heiwajima Shizuo, no less." The Red Demon of the Awakusu-kai said tauntingly, "Shouldn't you be grateful?"

"I don't need a bodyguard. Akabayashi-san."

Izaya said tersely, resisting the urge to glare at Akabayashi. Instead, he looked as Shiki cleared his throat, then spoke.

"Getting back to matters…"

"Of course." Izaya said. "Shizu-chan, if you would let go for a moment?"

Shizuo made a grumbling noise when Izaya emphasized his words by jabbing his elbow into Shizuo's chest, but released Izaya. His eyes on Shiki and Akabayashi were sharp, almost as if he were sober.

"Flea is mine." He said again, causing the amusement in both men's eyes to increase.

"No need to glare, Heiwajima Shizuo. I never said 'flea' was mine."

"Hah?! FLEA YOURS?! FLEA **MINE**!"

"Woah...calm down!" Akabayashi held out his hands, secretly relieved there was nothing around in the desolated area for the monster of Ikebukuro to throw at him. Shizuo didn't look happy at his words at all and he didn't want a vending machine or signpost to his face.

Actually, he didn't want an angry Heiwajima Shizuo at all since everyone knew the monster of Ikebukuro didn't need weapons, his mere fist alone could send you flying into the air and crashing with broken bones.

Thus Akabayashi thought it was in his best interest to say his next words -

"'Flea' is _not_ mine! Flea yours!"

Izaya was conveniently ignoring the wayward conversation between the two adult men who seemed as if they were children arguing over ownership of a toy.

Not that he was a toy, and especially not for that monster. The monster was his toy, damn it. To play with when he got bored.

But every toy broke down eventually, Izaya just wondered why Shizuo's brain had to break in front of the Awakusu-kai.

"...Flea mine." Shizuo seemed satisfied at Akabayashi's answer as he leaned back and had he been sober, he would have been smoking a cigarette. His sharp gaze turned to Shiki.

Shiki cocked an eyebrow, but eventually answered, to Izaya's dismay.

"Right, Heiwajima Shizuo. 'Flea yours'." Shizuo glared at him and he added with further amusement. "Not mine. So, there's no need to harm either of us, we pose no threat to your ownership over the flea."

"….."

Izaya felt as if he could cry. Shiki had referred to him as a flea. The flea. And Shiki had just spoken in broken Japanese._ Shiki._ Even if he had just been quoting the monster.

What next? Him speaking in broken Japanese?

"Shiki shiki shiki..." Shizuo muttered resentfully as he glowered at Shiki. "Flea no pay attention to me, he pay attention to you. But flea still mine."

Shizuo declared with a look in his eyes that told even a man like Shiki he would be badly hurt if he didn't agree.

So he agreed, even if Heiwajima Shizuo was drunk, Shiki was a smart man who knew neither him nor Akabayashi wanted the strongest man in Ikebukuro as an enemy. Especially not over such a conflict that wasn't even supposed to exist.

"Yes. Yours." Shiki said smoothly, then turned to Izaya who looked defeated at _Shiki_ giving him over to Shizuo.

"Fl-" Shiki coughed, then said, "Orihara."

"…."

Izaya glared at Shizuo for because of the monster, Shiki had almost, _almost _called him a flea. Shiki. Shiki. Shiki...

His brain didn't seem able to compute the unbelievable fact. So he didn't compute it at all, instead choosing to move forward and hand the suitcase in his hand to Shiki.

"...Pleasure doing business with you, Shiki-san. I do apologize for the delay."

"It's understandable." Shiki said. He handed the suitcase to the red haired man beside him, who proceeded to check the contents.

"Everything is present, Shiki no danna."

"Right." Shiki said. He gave a nod, then a dismissive wave of his hand.

"I'll transfer the money over to your account, Orihara."

The dismissive wave matched the amused glint in his eyes as Shizuo growled with every word he spoke -

"In the meantime, I'm sure you'll make your way safely home with that reliable bodyguard of yours."

... ...

... ...

Izaya had taken a taxi home – there was no way he was going to take the train back to Shinjuku with everyone staring at him and the monster wrapped around him like a clingy leech.

His dignity had already been damaged enough, thank you very much.

Had he not managed to retain a serious, business demeanour, the two executives of the Awakusu-kai (and even their underlings) would have lost all respect for him.

Unfortunately for Izaya, Shizuo was a monster and the alcohol in his bloodstream did not knock him out on the road, and Izaya's hope that a vehicle – vehicles would run over an unconscious Shizuo enough times to kill a monster, was dashed.

The monster was still very much conscious well into the night.

Thankfully, Shizuo had let go long enough for him to get into the taxi. But before Izaya could shut the door on him, he had accompanied Izaya into the taxi, which Izaya resignedly accepted.

After all, if he hadn't, Shizuo would force his way in and destroy the door in the process, leading to Izaya having to pay money for the monster's damage.

Monsters would always be monsters.

And so Izaya told himself enduring half strange half freaked out looks from the driver in the rear view mirror was better than enduring those looks from everyone in the train to Shinjuku –

As Shizuo leaned against him and nuzzled against his shoulder and sent glares at the driver whenever he turned to look at Izaya, which freaked him out even more.

"Flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine flea mine..."

The monster muttered against his neck in an alien-like mantra.

"Not Shiki. Flea no belong to Shiki. Flea no belong to other. Flea mine. Flea mine. My flea. My flea. My flea."

"Mine..."

"…"

Izaya thought silently that Shizuo was worse than those human males he had seen who were possessive over their girlfriends –

And that he was for once not amused at a display of possessiveness, not when the victim was him.

Yes, he was, for once, a victim –

"I'm not yours."

Izaya muttered to himself at Shizuo's behaviour and muttered thoughts which were alien to him. But Shizuo seemed to hear him and his face was turned.

"...Flea not mine?"

The blond sounded so downcast as if his heart had been trampled on and broken in his eyes.

"..."

Izaya averted his gaze, saying nothing.

"Flea..."

"...Yours."

He could practically hear the beam lighting up Shizuo's eyes as he lowered his face and nuzzled Izaya's neck again.

"Yes ~ Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine Flea Mine My Flea ~"

_"Not."_ Izaya muttered under his breath, but Shizuo didn't seem to hear him this time. The drunk monster was happy again, and Izaya didn't know if he preferred a possessive, grumpy monster over a happy one.

Though if he had a choice, he preferred _no _monster at all.

But unfortunately for the information broker who always had control over the situation unless the monster was involved, he didn't.

"What did I do to deserve this?"

Izaya had spoken aloud. The drunk, murmuring monster seemed to hear him and stopped his nuzzling for a moment.

"I….zaya…."

And with those words, the nuzzling stopped for the rest of the ride.

And with the expression of horror on the driver's face as Izaya found his head tucked under the monster's chin for the second time in the day –

As Shizuo sent a scathing glare to the driver who looked as if he was about to piss in his pants –

"YOU STARE AT FLEA ALL WHILE, YOU THINK FLEA YOURS?!"

"NO! I DO NOT THINK FLEA IS MINE! ABSOLUTELY NOT! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!"

- Izaya thought he would be lucky to survive the ride.

Both figuratively and literally.

"FLEA IS MINE!"

"YES! FLEA IS YOURS! ALL YOURS!"

"..."

First Akabayashi, then Shiki, then a few of the Awakusu-kai men and some random people along the street -

And now the taxi driver -

Izaya wished in his resentful heart that his humans would stop giving him to Heiwajima Shizuo without his permission.

...

...

**In Shinra's and Celty's home**

**...**

**...**

[Shinra! There's trouble!]

Shinra could practically hear those words shouted to him when Celty burst into their home.

"What happened, Celty?"

[Aliens…..!]

"Aliens?"

Shinra asked in bemusement, trying not to show his amusement as his love seemed truly scared, her shoulders trembling.

[YES! ALIENS! SHIZUO'S BEEN REPLACED BY AN ALIEN!]

"?! Shizuo?!"

Shinra thought for a while on this, before he soon brushed the possibility away with a casual laugh –

"Surely not! Celty, you of all people should know how strong Shizuo is! Even if aliens came to earth, he would send them flying back to space!" Shinra said cheerfully as he laid a comforting hand on Celty's shoulder. "Why did you say that anyway?"

[Izaya….]

"Izaya told you? Celty love, you should know not to believe anything Izaya says! That guy's a pathological liar."

[No! I saw Shizuo with Izaya! And he was happy! He was smiling! And he was carrying Izaya in his arms!]

Shinra's mouth fell open for a moment, "Seriously?"

Celty nodded her helmet vigorously. Shinra blinked, then scratched his head.

"Alright, I can see why you're freaked out, hell I'd be freaked out too! But that doesn't mean aliens have invaded the earth, Celty! So you don't have to worry!"

[Really…?]

"Yup!"

[Why is Shizuo then….?]

"I have no idea." Shinra shrugged. He mused for a bit, then grinned in amusement, "Who knows, maybe Izaya got him drunk! Or hypnotized him –"

[Hypnotize?]

"Uhuh. It's a method to get someone into a trance and make them do everything you say –" Shinra trailed off, his mouth salivating slightly at the prospect of using hypnotism to get Celty to do not so innocent things with him – "Celty would you –ow!"

[No! You pervert!}

Celty exploded at him, smoke leaking from her helmet in embarrassment.

Shinra pouted but Celty didn't relent. He sighed.

"Well it was worth a try…."

He waved a hand, "Anyway, about Shizuo….I'm sure he's fine! You said he was happy, so I don't think Izaya hypnotized him. Izaya wouldn't want him to be happy, right?"

[That's true….could he be drunk then?]

"Probably." Shinra was amused at that thought. "Or maybe it's love!"

He received another slap on the head for his efforts and he winced in pain, "I was just joking….!"

[Even so, don't say that! I don't want to imagine it!]

"Okay okay!" Shinra held up his hands in peace. He grinned, "In all seriousness though, how was Izaya's reaction?"

[Izaya?]

Celty seemed to think for a while, before she flashed her PDA again. Shinra noticed she was much more calm now that she was convinced Shizuo hadn't been abducted by aliens.

Had Shinra's love for Celty been any less than what it was, it would have made him jealous.

However it wasn't, in fact it was growing even more at the realization that his love had such a big heart – and how lucky he was to have her.

It was moments like these that he realized he truly loved her.

The thought brought a genuine smile to Shinra's face.

[Well to be honest…..he didn't look happy. Maybe he didn't do it?]

Shinra chuckled. "Then he probably didn't." He was outright grinning now, and Celty was slightly surprised to see such an expression on Shinra's face. "I can't believe I'm saying this but –"

Celty tilted her helmet at him questioningly and Shinra smiled widely as he thought of the amusing situation –

"I kind of want to see his reaction."


	3. Chapter III

As mentioned in the author's note in my other story, I finished Volume 13 which was dark and serious and stuff, so I decided to write something lighter to lift my mood. And what better than this crack fic? :)

* * *

. . .

. . .

_In which there is to be No Nuzzling, Namie Laughing and Couch Sleeping_

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_. . ._

"So that's what happened."

"Yes that's what happened, story's over – and yet the brute of this story is still here."

Izaya said scathingly, glaring at Shizuo who was still nuzzling his neck.

It made him miss the time he had dubbed 'non-nuzzling time' in the taxi.

Izaya was tempted to say such to Shizuo, and would have, had he not considered the brute's intelligence to be even below a dog who could comprehend commands.

"Non-nuzzling time?"

It was Namie's voice and she definitely sounded amused which made Izaya want to deduct her pay – and deduct her pay he would.

Izaya shut his mouth and pretended he hadn't said his thoughts out loud, until Shizuo spoke.

"No….nuzzling?"

Izaya stared, before he decided to make use of the opportunity –

"That's right. No nuzzling, you big brute."

"Whhyyy?"

"Because I don't like it." Izaya pronounced.

"Don't like?"

"Yes. Don't. Like. Nuzzling."

Izaya said even more slowly, now convinced a drunk Shizuo had his neurons' comprehension ability at the level they were meant to be – basic and primal and Neanderthal.

"Izaya don't like nuzzling?"

"….Yeah. Izaya don't like nuzzling – shut up, Namie."

Namie was letting out very unladylike snorts of laughter, that had Izaya's eyebrow twitching even as he said the words that made him feel his IQ had dropped significantly.

"Izaya don't like nuzzling….." Shizuo said slowly, as if trying to comprehend his own words. Then he blinked and said. "Izaya?"

"What?"

"What's nuzzling?"

"Haha….hahahahaha!"

"Namie!" Izaya shouted in frustration to his secretary's unrestrained laughter. "Nuzzling is what you have been doing all this while, you brute!" He jabbed a finger at Shizuo's chest, yelling, "To my neck!"

"Neck….." Shizuo said, then promptly lowered his nose and nuzzled Izaya's neck, earning an indignant squawk from the information broker.

"Shizuo!"

Shizuo blinked. He removed his nose then sniffed the air, looking around for this 'Shizuo'.

"Shizuo?"

"Yeah?"

Izaya said as Shizuo looked puzzled.

"…..What's a Shizuo?"

"OhgodwhatdidIeverdotodeserve this." Izaya muttered lowly. "You, you brute, you're Shizuo! Shizuo!"

"….But I thought I was Shizu-chan."

Izaya face palmed. He honestly didn't know what to say.

"Aww how sweet," Namie drawled, an amused smirk on her face, "He remembers your precious nickname for him."

"And not his own name." Izaya stated, deadpan. He sighed, then tried again –

"Look Shizu-Shizu-_chan_. No Nuzzling. No. Nuzzling."

"No nuzzling." Shizuo repeated and Izaya nodded. "Nuzzling….neck? No touching Izaya's neck?"

"Yes. No touching my neck!"

"..My?"

"….No touching Izaya's neck." Izaya said, conveniently ignoring Namie and hoping she would choke on her own laughter.

"…..Ok."

Shizuo said, looking so downtrodden with sad eyes like a kicked puppy that Izaya almost, _almost _felt a twinge of guilt.

That was until Shizuo leaned forward and planted his lips on his.

"…."

"….?!"

Izaya shoved the blond away, glaring incredulously. Namie's laughter had suddenly stopped. Her mouth was open in shock.

"W-What you-!"

Shizuo leaned forward as if to kiss him again, but Izaya reached his hands out to stop him in his tracks.

"You retarded protozoan! Just what the hell -!"

"No nuzzling. Kissing."

"No nuzzling but no kissing either! Did he just do that – he just did that didn't he?!"

Izaya seemed to be yelling his thoughts out loud, and Namie recovered enough to give an amused smirk at her boss's flustered state.

"Yes I believe he did."

"Don't just stand there, Namie! Help me! Before he kisses me again!"

Namie stood resolutely, until Izaya glared at her. She sighed, rolled her eyes then stood in between Shizuo and Izaya.

Shizuo stopped. He looked at her for a moment. Namie stared back at him.

"….You. Not flea. Not Izaya."

"Yeah, I'm not Izaya. Izaya is currently hiding behind my back because he's afraid you'll kiss him again."

"…Izaya afraid?"

Namie blinked. The renowned strongest man of Ikebukuro suddenly looked like a kicked puppy.

"Izaya never afraid…."

Namie looked back at Izaya, who was pretending he wasn't involved in the situation at all. She rolled her eyes again, then turned to face the man in a bartender suit.

"Yes Izaya afraid….of kissing." A smirk curled Namie's lips as she caught Izaya's scowl out of the corner of her eye. "Izaya's not afraid of you, _Shizu-chan_. He's afraid of kissing."

"Namie."

Izaya hissed and Namie's smirk widened.

"Izaya afraid of kissing….."

Shizuo said. He blinked twice, then nodded his head as if in comprehension.

"Ok….no kissing. No kissing Izaya."

Izaya left out a soft sigh of relief at that, and Shizuo continued on.

"But, want touch. Izaya. Want hug flea…"

As he spoke, Shizuo gave Namie such a pleading look that Namie felt as if she would be worse than the kind of bastard Izaya was if she denied the blond man's silent plea.

"…..Ok. You can hug flea."

"Namie!"

Izaya cried out indignantly as Namie spoke blandly, then moved aside, leaving him to the monster's hazy, happy gaze.

"I-za-ya~!"

Shizuo exclaimed happily and Izaya deflated when the monster rushed forward and pulled him close into a squishy hug, nuzzling his neck in contentment.

"…Shizu-chan?"

"Flea?"

"Didn't I say No Nuzzling?"

"….Oh." Shizuo said. He removed his nose from Izaya's neck but still looked very happy.

"….And what do you mean by 'You can hug flea', Namie? He can't hug me!"

Namie returned his annoyed glare with a look of amusement.

"Well I think it's cute. He likes you so much. He's like an overgrown puppy. He's so attached to you. Surely even you don't have the heart to deny him?"

Embarrassment and anger rose to Izaya's cheeks in red. He said nothing, and Namie almost looked like she was grinning.

"Besides, who am I to get in the way of the strongest man of Ikebukuro? I don't have a death wish, unlike you."

"Shut up."

"Iza-ya…." Shizuo hugged Izaya with a delighted look in his eyes. He shifted his gaze.

"You….name?"

"….Me?"

Namie said. Shizuo nodded.

"Namie. Yagiri Namie." She said, curious as to why Shizuo wanted to know her name.

"Na….mie…." Shizuo murmured. He smiled brightly at her.

"Namie let me hug flea…..thanks."

There was a surprised silence, as despite his simple words, Shizuo sounded sincere and his voice almost stable.

"….No problem." Namie said with a half smile and half smirk. "Flea is all yours."

"Yes. Flea mine~"

"Flea is not yours!" Izaya protested, struggling in Shizuo's arms. "Don't teach this brute the wrong things, Namie!"

Namie ignored him. "Would you like me to leave?"

"Leave?"

"Yeah. Leave you and Izaya alone."

"Namie I swear, I will deduct your pay more than I already have – mpf!"

"Flea noisy." Shizuo muttered, his hand over a glaring Izaya's mouth. He looked back towards Namie then nodded like the mature adult he was supposed to be –

"Will appreciate. Want to be alone with flea."

"Mpf—N-Namie!"

Shizuo let out a low growl at this, tightening his grip on Izaya.

"Flea. Shizu-chan. Not Namie."

"Then, I'm leaving." Namie said, smirking at Izaya's stunned expression.

Izaya stared until the door closed behind Namie, and Shizuo spoke.

"Namie nice. Give me flea. Flea mine. Alone."

"…."

Izaya's arms went slack.

"Flea?"

"What?"

"…..Flea don't like me?"

"Huh? Of course I don't like –"

Shizuo stared at him with huge brown eyes and Izaya stopped short.

"Flea want Namie? Don't want me?"

"….No I don't want Namie, but I don't want you either!"

Shizuo blinked, but then smiled radiantly and hugged Izaya closer.

"Nevermind. Flea still mine. Izaya want no one, I want Izaya. So Izaya mine."

"….I do not get your logic at all. Wait what am I saying, you're not even capable of logic."

Izaya said tiredly. The apartment now only had him and Shizuo, he had the monster in his apartment.

A monster who refused to let him go, much less go away.

He felt suddenly exhausted. Deciding he might as well take advantage of the situation, Izaya tried another tactic.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Yes Izaya?"

"Let me go?"

Shizuo blinked, so Izaya added.

"Please?"

"But….you go away…."

"No I won't go away. This is my apartment Shizu-chan, where would I go? Since you refuse to leave…"

Izaya muttered but the words seemed to have their desired effect.

"Izaya won't go away?" Izaya shook his head. "Izaya won't go away."

And with those words, the monster finally released him and Izaya was so relieved he could jump for joy, if he hadn't felt so exhausted then.

- What to do with a monster in my apartment….

Izaya sighed and walked in the direction of his bedroom. When he realized Shizuo was following, he spoke tersely.

"….Shizu-chan? I want to sleep."

"Sleep? I sleep with flea –"

"No you don't sleep with me!"

"But –"

"No buts Shizu-chan! No. Sleeping. With. Me."

Shizuo looked hurt at the rejection, but Izaya continued mercilessly on.

"If you're going to stay, there's no way I'm letting a monster into my bedroom! You sleep on the couch!"

He emphasized with a jab of his index finger towards the direction of the couch, eyes flashing in frustration.

- I swear, if he doesn't listen –

"Ok."

- I'll – what?

"What?"

"Izaya want me to sleep on couch." Shizuo said simply. "So I sleep on couch."

Izaya stared as the monster lumbered towards him. He flinched as Shizuo lowered his head and raised his hand –

- Is he going to hit me?

The hand brushed his black locks away, and lips met his forehead in a clumsy but affectionate kiss.

Izaya's eyes widened when Shizuo withdrew, then smiled sleepily.

"Goodnight. Izaya."

"….."

Izaya turned, marched into his bedroom and slammed the door.

He leaned against it with the back of his head to the wood as he heard Shizuo's voice from the other side.

"Izaya?"

"Goodnight!"

Izaya yelled. Shizuo seemed to get the point for his sharp ears caught the sound of footsteps going away.

Izaya sighed, and covered his warm face with his hand, his fingertips touching his forehead marked by Shizuo's kiss.

"What the hell is happening to me…."


	4. Chapter IV

...

. . . .

. . . .

_In which the Flea is Warm and Cold_

. . . .

. . . .

There was nothing wrong.

He, the master of the house, was in the bedroom and outside there was a dog-like monster dozing off on the couch with surprisingly no loud snores.

So there were no monster snores keeping him awake.

So why was he awake?

Izaya tossed and turned. He had laid in bed for at least half an hour, and he couldn't get to sleep.

His eyes were starting to hurt, being denied their shut eye. Izaya stared tiredly at the sheets, then forced himself up from the bed.

"He even ruins my sleep….."

Izaya muttered resentfully as he walked towards the door, opening it to the living room.

The bright light almost stung his eyes. Sure enough, the blond in a bartender suit was sleeping on the couch peacefully.

- Maybe the couch is better to sleep on tonight.

Izaya thought blearily, almost sleep walking as he turned off the light so that the living room was engulfed in darkness. But the apartment was familiar to him and he found his way easily enough to the couch.

He collapsed onto a couch separate from Shizuo's, and closed his eyes.

And waited.

And waited.

But sleep still didn't come to him.

"…."

Izaya was ready to strangle someone. He was exhausted and needed his sleep and he had an appointment in the morning –

He shot up from the couch, scowling deeply.

"Why the hell can't I sleep?!"

He shouted when there was no one but him to see him cranky and losing control from sleep deprivation.

"I….za….ya…."

The deep rumble came from the monster of Ikebukuro on his living room couch. Izaya started, whipping his head to the side –

But Shizuo was still asleep. He was sleeping on his back, his expression peaceful and serene.

Izaya was envious of that peace and serenity in sleep. He couldn't sleep, and the monster who was the cause was sleeping so peacefully?

It screamed injustice to the exhausted male.

- Oh who knows maybe that couch is conducive for sleep.

Izaya thought illogically, for there should be no difference between the two identical looking couches. He staggered over to the couch Shizuo laid on, and tried to pull the monster off –

"Get off, you brute! This is my couch!"

Izaya hissed in the darkness, glaring. But Shizuo only mumbled some more then lazily reached an arm out to pull Izaya to him.

"H-Hey! What are you doing!? Let go!"

"Shut up flea."

"….!"

Izaya stilled, but when he looked, Shizuo's eyes were still closed. He seemed to be talking in his sleep.

- Shizu-chan sleep talks?

Shizuo muttered something incoherent and then Izaya was on the couch. Or more specifically, on the couch trapped in Shizuo's arms. The blond in a bartender suit had shifted his sleeping position as if to make space for Izaya.

Izaya froze when he realized he was trapped in Shizuo's arms. But the monster just tucked his head under his chin as he hugged the black haired man to his body, muttering something unintelligible, resting his nose in Izaya's hair and thankfully to the information broker, not nuzzling it.

- ….Oh what the hell.

Izaya thought with a sense of defeat. He swallowed, then moved himself closer to Shizuo's warm body. Shizuo was holding him with only one arm now, his other arm splayed lazily across the couch. His grip tightened around the slender back at Izaya's movement and he mumbled something else Izaya could vaguely make out –

"Flea….."

- …..Is he dreaming about me?

Izaya wondered. He raised his gaze to Shizuo whose eyes were closed and whose blond hair seemed golden in the dark.

"….."

Izaya decided not to say anything because contrary to Namie's belief, he didn't have a death wish and waking up Ikebukuro's monster would give him exactly that. So he just released the tiniest sigh, rested his head against the hard but comfortable chest, and closed his tired eyes.

"Goodnight, you dumb brute."

Izaya muttered. As if Shizuo had heard him, he made an incoherent, satisfied sounding sound and pushed Izaya closer to him with his arm.

"…."

Izaya's lips curved.

He relaxed, and soon fell asleep in the comforting warmth.

...

...

When Izaya woke up, it was in darkness and alone.

He was leaning against nothing.

Shizuo was nowhere to be seen.

"…"

Izaya got up for the third time that night, wondering if Shizuo had moved to the other couch.

But there was no monster on the other couch.

There was no monster in his apartment.

There was no monster in the darkness.

He was alone once again.

"….Shizu-chan?"

He called out, and only silence answered him.

"….I see."

Izaya said to himself.

"He left."

Shrugging, he got up from the couch and made his way to his bedroom.

"Well, I'm surprised he didn't kill me when he woke up."

"Looks like I'm still alive."

Smiling sardonically to himself, Izaya pushed open his bedroom door and entered into another room of darkness. He closed the door and found his bed quickly, throwing himself onto it and burying his face in his pillow.

"You force me to take you home and you nuzzle me and you hug me and you annoy me and you kiss me and you say you want me and don't want me to leave and then _you_ leave without a word?"

"Such an unpredictable, ungrateful brute….."

Izaya said to no one but himself. He blinked rapidly, then squeezed his eyes shut.

"I really hate you…"

It felt as if the bed was especially cold that moment of night.


	5. Chapter V

...

. . . . .

. . . . .

_In which the Monster Stays with a Careless Flea and Simon has Good Instincts_

. . . . .

. . . . .

The door to Izaya's bedroom opened. A man in a bartender suit made his way inside silently.

He walked to the bed. He stood staring at the sleeping information broker, then reached out and brushed his hair away from his forehead.

Izaya stirred, muttering.

"Shizu-chan….?"

"Izaya."

Sleepy eyes half opened, catching sight of brown eyes and blond hair.

"Shizu-chan didn't leave?"

Shizuo tilted his head.

"….Yeah. Shizu-chan didn't leave."

"….Ah I see….."

Izaya smiled sleepily and curled up.

"And Shizu-chan's still drunk I see. Well as expected of a monster…."

"…But it's good. Since Shizu-chan is still drunk, he won't kill me. He'll kill me tomorrow, but I'll deal with that tomorrow…."

Izaya muttered to himself. He stretched his arms sleepily, then laid on his side.

"Hey Shizu-chan aren't you going to sleep together with me? It's what Shizu-chan has been saying all along….it's cold…"

Izaya seemed to huddle closer to himself.

"Cold…..humans are. So cold. But Shizu-chan is a monster. So he's warm."

"…Is Izaya lonely?"

"Lonely….I suppose I am."

Izaya yawned, then smiled wryly as if to himself.

"Because I don't have anyone like Shizu-chan. And I don't have anyone except Shizu-chan."

"But Shizu-chan doesn't have to know that. So that's why I'm saying it to this drunk Shizu-chan. Who is Shizu-chan but at the same time not really Shizu-chan. Because the Shizu-chan I know is always angry, not happy. That's the Shizu-chan I know."

"So Shizu-chan who's not Shizu-chan….won't you stay?"

Izaya asked the question in a sleepy tone layered over fragile hope.

"Because Shizu-chan won't remember, and it's cold, and –"

Izaya was cut off when his face was shoved into a familiar hard chest. He raised his dazed gaze.

"Shizu-chan?"

"Stay. I will stay."

"So sleep. Izaya."

Those brown eyes were looking at only him. Izaya blinked, then smiled and closed his eyes, snuggling close to his Shizu-chan who wasn't Shizu-chan.

"Okay….Shizu-chan."

"….."

Shizuo waited until he was sure Izaya was asleep, then sighed, holding Izaya close to him.

"You stupid, lonely, careless flea."

"….You don't even know you almost died tonight, do you?"

...

**Two hours earlier, in Shinjuku**

**...**

The Tokyo metropolis was a busy, bustling city. It had a vibrant night life, with roaming gangs, normal people and the feared yakuza. Which was why any immigrants were unnoticed until they stirred trouble. And even then, they would still remain in the shadows.

Such a situation applied to two men in Shinjuku, the metropolis' second centre. They were two men on an agenda, though not a personal one.

"Tell me why we have to do this again?"

"Because the Boss said so."

The first man sighed. He seemed a lackadaisical fellow with a penchant for drawling his words as he spoke –

"Riiiight. Just because some guy pissed the Boss off, we have to travel all the way to Japan to kill him."

"….Oh well at least it's in Japan so we can relax a little, everyone is so serious back there!"

As he said this the first man stretched his arms, inhaling the night air with a grin.

"Yeah. But this is a mission."

"Oh right. Just ruin my fun won't you."

The second man shrugged. He seemed obedient, but one would have to doubt that supposed obedience in his next words –

"It's not like we can disobey."

People around looked at them curiously at the foreign language and the formal suits, but otherwise paid little attention to them. They blended in the crowd, heading towards their destination.

"Why does he need both of us to kill one man? He isn't that strong, is he?"

"The guy's an information broker. He probably anticipated beforehand and hired some bodyguard, the Boss didn't want to take any chances."

The man replied calmly, retrieving from his memory their superior's words.

"There are some pretty strong people here in Tokyo. And there are other assassins besides us as well. Russia I think. I even heard the Killing Machine is here. You know, the 7th strongest assassin in Russia. Along with his protégé the Crow. And the Elephant. They arrived in Japan a while ago. We may have to face them."

As the man spoke, he was unaware that they didn't have to face the Crow and the Elephant or even the Killing Machine –

They had to face someone worse than all three of them combined.

"Yeah, he mentioned some Russian dude at some sushi store, some headless rider – what's with that anyway? It seems there's a lot of weird stuff happening in this city."

"And the man in a bartender suit."

"Bartender suit….oh yeah, bartender suit! Well we won't have to worry about that, he said he's the information broker's enemy."

"True."

"And he's in Ikebukuro anyway – Ikebukuro's Monster. We're in Shinjuku."

"Yeah."

...

...

...

Everyone knew Orihara Izaya was not to be trusted. As the information broker of Shinjuku, he was approached by dangerous people from the underworld. And though he didn't have their brawn, he had brains and he had never failed to escape a sticky situation resulting from divulging misleading information or information to rival syndicates of his clients.

No one trusted Orihara Izaya. And Izaya knew that. But he also knew though no one trusted him, they needed him. He was the only information broker around. The only worthy information broker around for people from Tokyo's dark underworld.

After all, it was he himself who had ensured his place would be uncontested.

Only one being of whom Izaya knew the name but not identity had gone against him.

Izaya prefers not to associate with this being.

Thus, they needed him, and could not get rid of him. Even the Awakusu-kai saw his use. When anyone wanted information, the name Orihara Izaya popped up in mind. Plain and simple. Whether they thought the information was trustworthy or not, it didn't matter. Orihara Izaya of Shinjuku was associated with information and would always be.

So Orihara Izaya happily lived his life in minimal danger – well, as minimal as the job of an information broker could bring him. Especially one who deliberately interfered in dangerous humans' lives and plans.

Until one normal day, he received a foreigner as a client. Although this seldom happened, it was nothing new for him –

What was new was that he had not known the man was a foreigner. The middle aged man had looked Japanese. He spoke Japanese as fluently as a native Japanese. He had curly black hair and fairly pale skin.

And he had lied to Izaya, giving him a Japanese name. And then asked him for information on a rival Yakuza syndicate.

Izaya had only found out later he had been deceived. The rival Yakuza syndicate happened to be involved in another one of Izaya's plans, and he had gleefully taken the opportunity to mix up what he thought was another yakuza into his already constructed plans by giving him information that was not false, but would suit his purpose.

But Izaya was unfortunate. For the man was not a low ranking member of the Yakuza, he was a Mafia Boss. He had come from Italy, to expand his connections in Tokyo, Japan for the Yakuza's power and dealings in the underworld reached him from Japan. He had asked for information not for a rival Yakuza syndicate, but on his potential ally.

The potential ally of the Mafia Boss had two rivals, one of which had a blood feud. Due to previous circumstances, these two rivals no longer trusted the information Izaya gave. They allowed him to live for they still needed a valuable information source, but were Izaya to take the initiative, they would doubt every single word he said.

But there was a spy within the Yakuza which the Mafia Boss considered a potential ally. He was from one of the rivals, and Izaya knew he was disconnected from them. But he also knew he would not trust Orihara Izaya's information. Thus he created a situation which would lead him to seek information from his alias, Chrome – who Izaya had created as another entity, seemingly another information broker.

And that information soon travelled to the Yakuza which had a blood feud with the Yakuza the Mafia Boss wanted information on.

And at the same time, Izaya was providing another piece of information as Chrome to the other rival – who was not happy their mutual rival was acting despite their agreement. And then he tied up the remaining strings by telling the Mafia Boss's potential ally about another's Yakuza's plan to take them down.

Thus the Yakuza who had a spy believed the Mafia Boss was intruding upon their territory – killing their blood feud rival before they did. On the other side, its mutual rival was angry that the other side was acting against their deal to not make any move on their mutual enemy. And the potential ally itself believed it was facing a threat, not an ally.

And so, when the Mafia Boss whom Izaya found too late was not a low ranking member of the Yakuza, met whom he thought would be his potential ally, he was facing not an ally but two enemies. Altogether, there were four underworld organizations in the area, three of which were Yakuza.

The result was a bloody night and the Mafia Boss's desire for revenge.

This would be a case that one slight miscalculation could lead to Izaya's downfall –

But fate never went the way it was supposed to.

Not when Heiwajima Shizuo was involved.

...

...

...

**Several hours earlier, in Russia Sushi**

**...**

"What did you do that for, Simon?"

"Experiment, Dennis."

"Experiment?"

"Severino Bassini recently arrived in Japan."

"Right, and what does that guy have to do with anything?"

"He recently landed in the hospital. Gunshot wounds. From a brawl with the Yakuza. He was involved in a Yakuza war. I have a feeling it's Izaya's doing."

"So?"

"Izaya's careless. He doesn't know who that guy is. This could be his downfall."

"And you're protecting him? With Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"Shizuo just happened to come along, I thought it was a good opportunity."

"Why are you protecting that good for nothing information broker?"

"Izaya's not entirely bad, Dennis. Besides, it really is a good opportunity for them to get along, don't you think? Ikebukuro could be much more peaceful."

"….I hope you know what you're doing, Simon."

Dennis sighed as he brought the chopper down onto the fish.

"Though, how did you know Izaya would pass by? And Shizuo -"

He trailed off, but Simon understood what he meant.

"Izaya always passes by around evening time, no? And Shizuo seems like he would be a happy drunk! Shizuo is normally angry, so he should be happy when drunk, yes?"

Simon smiled brightly, the smile lighting up his dark face.

Dennis smiled wryly, shaking his head.

"Tsk, sounds like you planned everything, Samia."

"I didn't plan anything. It's not my forte. I just listened to my instincts."

Simon said, shrugging his large shoulders as he spoke in Russian.

"Yeah those instincts saved our lives quite a few times."

Dennis recounted with a sense of fondness and almost nostalgia as Simon smiled along with him.

"That's right."

"But it's just a coincidence, that's all. Sometimes, destiny just makes an unexpected turn."


	6. Chapter VI

...

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

_In which the Plot is Revealed and Mafia Assassins Meet the Man in a Bartender Suit_

. . . . . .

. . . . . .

**Previous day, somewhere in Tokyo**

**...**

** ...**

_Brrr….Brrr!_

"….Hello?"

"_Hey Nakura-kun. Today's your lucky day!"_

"L-Lucky day…..?"

_"Uhuh. If my memory serves me right, you questioned me whether you will have to deal with Yakuza in the future - and since I'm in a generous mood today, I'm here to answer your question."_

"Don't tell me -!"

_"Ahahahaha! You certainly are sharper than you look! I don't even have to say it." _

"Izaya-san, please….! Anything but the Yakuza –! I never meant -!"

_"The Tokyo station sure is crowded, isn't it?"_

"Eh?"

_"Let's imagine a scenario. You're on the platform, in a rush to get somewhere. It's very crowded, and when the train comes, everyone's pushing and shoving to get inside. You included, because you really have to get to that somewhere, let's say, to work or to meet your girlfriend. Even though whatever it is, it's very important and you can't be late, you don't take a taxi because you have no money. So that's your own personal responsibility."_

"What –"

_"So the train comes, and everyone is pushing and shoving. And the train doors are closing. You and another guy are amongst one of the last. Because you believe your personal interest, getting to your important appointment is more important, you give one last shove and force your way inside. But it's your unlucky day see, and the train doors close on the unfortunate, innocent guy, crushing him. Blood spurts out, splatters the train doors and people scream. And you know you're the one who did it."_

_"Maybe you're especially unlucky, and the guy falls onto the railway track and gets run over by the train – the next day you turn on the TV, and you see the news. And your family and friends are talking about the horrible incident and who's that horrible person and you know it's you – and you don't dare to admit it. Even though you know it's your fault. And yet you're filled with guilt, but there's nothing you can do. Consider this situation and your situation…..don't you think I'm being very kind?"_

"W-What's the point of this, Izaya-san?!"

_"And here I thought you were sharp. I'm merely providing a useful analogy to the actions of your past self."_

"….!"

_"You realize now, don't you?"_

"But such a situation, is possible but also very impossible!"

_"As am I."_

"?!"

_"I'm possible, but also very impossible. I'm one of a kind! It's just your bad luck that you had to meet someone like me. And it's just your bad luck that my only friend had to dive to my rescue, and get injured. Now you see, if he hadn't done that, perhaps you would be living a normal peaceful life now. But you see, you can't blame him either, no matter his thoughts at that time, for you were the one who attacked. It's not your fault you ended up harming him because you had no intention – **but you were the one who attacked**."_

"….."

_"Should I say more? You were the one who chose to gamble your money away. You were the one who was so desperate to get back your money you stole from your father's wallet. Just like that situation in the train station, you having no money was your own personal responsibility. But you know, that guy in the train station, is more innocent than you. He was the cause of someone else's death but he had never intended it."_

_"While you, Nakura-kun, were brandishing a knife and intended to injure me who had no responsibility towards your lack of money. But you needed a scapegoat in your desperation, and you had the intention to hurt. You wanted your money back, and you didn't care how it was done. The possibility of hurting someone occurred to you unlike that guy, but you didn't care. Knowing such, can you still say it's not your fault?"_

"I-Izaya-san….."

_"But because you're just a normal human, you do feel guilt. Because you only had the intention to hurt at that moment in your desperation, but it's clear you regretted your actions afterwards. And here I am, helping you to assuage your guilt! Don't you think I'm being very kind?"_

"You –"

**"_Don't you think so…..Nakura-kun?"_**

"….Y-Yes. Yes, Izaya-san. You are being….kind."

_"I'm glad you see it my way. Getting back to matters, have you heard of the Yamaguchi-gumi?"_

"?! Yamaguchi-gumi?!"

_"Yes, the most famous Yakuza in Japan – and outside Japan."_

"W-Wait! Wait, Izaya-san! Isn't this –"

_"I require your assistance to obtain illegal weapons of the Yamaguchi-gumi from their hideout, Nakura-kun."_

"But -!"

_"Might I just inform you, that you're caught between a rock and a hard place."_

"E-Eh?"

_"You see, it's not me who wants those illegal weapons. It's the Awakusu-kai. And so it wouldn't be my fault if those weapons weren't obtained, would it? I'd just have to tell Shiki-san that Nakura-kun was being very stubborn –"_

"I get it! I get it! I'll do it!"

_"Oh? Well that didn't take long."_

"But Izaya-san….how – how can I infiltrate a Yakuza hideout? I'd die!"

_"Hmmm….you know, I wonder when the Yakuza war is going to end."_

"Y-Yakuza war?!"

_"Some other information broker caused a Yakuza war. The Yamaguchi-gumi have called all their reinforcements in the area, as confirmed by another information broker. Of course, they have many hideouts, but I have information that that hideout is bereft of the Yamaguchi-gumi. Because they're facing their arch rival Sumiyoshi-kai, you know? They need all their men."_

_"And like I said before, today just happens to be your lucky day – that hideout, and not their headquarters in Kobe, is where the weapons the Awakusu-kai wants, are. Now knowing this, what should you do?"_

"B-Because Izaya-san had the kindness to cause a distraction for me, I should take this opportunity."

_"Very good, Nakura-kun! There's that sharpness of yours."_

"….More like you wanted to cause chaos for your own amusement."

_"Hm? What was that, Nakura-kun?"_

"Nothing at all, Izaya-san."

_"Is that so. I thought I heard something. Anyway, I'll provide you with the location of the Yamaguchi-gumi hideout."_

"R-Right….."

_"Ah, I almost forgot!"_

"What is it….?"

_"Even though I'm pretty sure that hideout is bereft of the Yakuza, do still be cautious, there are video cameras after all."_

"….!"

_"Of course, you're just one guy but who knows, someday may be your unlucky day and you might just encounter one of the 20 000 members of the Yamaguchi-gumi on the street –"_

"I-I…!"

_"But that shouldn't be a problem for you, because you're an expert in sneaking around, eh? I'm sure you can avoid those video cameras quite skilfully. Especially as they might be connected to the Yamaguchi-gumi's headquarters in Kobe."_

"I'm going to die!"

_"Oh don't exaggerate. Anyway, you can always go to Shinra for more plastic surgery – you'll have to give up your precious money in return though. Ahahaha! Don't you think this is poetic justice, Nakura-kun?!"_

"I-"

_"Hm?"_

"….Yes. Yes it is, Izaya-san."

_"It is, isn't it? Don't be too worried, I still require your services in the future after all. You should get going before the Yakuza war ends."_

_"Oh and remember, anytime you feel regret, blame your past self. This is only the beginning of your suffering, Nakura-kun."_

_"Bye-bye."_

_Click. _

_Beep. Beep._

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I'M GOING TO DIE! I'M GOING TO DIE! THEY'RE GOING TO KILL ME!"

"WHY?! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!"

"WHY DOES KISHITANI SHINRA HAVE TO EXIST?!"

…

…

…

Italy.

One of the countries in the world which has renowned underground activities.

The Mafia. The Italian Mafia.

Let's see -

According to the classic definition, the Mafia is a criminal organization originating in Sicily. However, the term "mafia" has become a generic term for any organized criminal network with similar structure, methods, and interests.

Each group, known as a "family", "clan", or "cosca", claims sovereignty over a territory, usually a town or village or a neighbourhood (_borgata)_ of a larger city, in which it operates its rackets. Its members call themselves "men of honour", although the public often refers to them as "mafiosi".

In November 2007 Sicilian police reported discovery of a list of "Ten Commandments" in the hideout of mafia boss Salvatore Lo Piccolo, thought to be guidelines on good, respectful and honourable conduct for a mafioso.

1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.

2. Never look at the wives of friends.

3. Never be seen with cops.

4. Don't go to pubs and clubs.

5. Always being available for _Cosa Nostra_ is a duty - even if your wife is about to give birth.

6. Appointments must absolutely be respected. (_probably refers to formal rank and authority._)

7. Wives must be treated with respect.

8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.

9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.

10. People who can't be part of _Cosa Nostra_: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values.

The pentito Antonino Calderone recounted similar Commandments in his 1987 testimony:

These rules are not to touch the women of other men of honour; not to steal from other men of honour or, in general, from anyone; not to exploit prostitution; not to kill other men of honour unless strictly necessary; to avoid passing information to the police; not to quarrel with other men of honour; to maintain proper behavior; to keep silent about _Cosa Nostra_ around outsiders; to avoid under all circumstances introducing oneself to other men of honour.

….

Well Orihara can't be fully blamed for being careless, I took this information from Wikipedia after all.

Still, he should have been more cautious. He of all people shouldn't have judged people by their looks –

But I digress. I'm surprised by his carelessness though. That he didn't consider the possibility that his client was a Mafioso Boss sworn to secrecy by the code of honor. I thought that guy was always looking for interesting things to happen.

But then again I suppose, in the midst of making something interesting happen, people tend to not notice something interesting that is actually happening.

I must say though, I'm a little impressed. Killing three birds with one stone.

And to think that you would go to the extent of starting a Yakuza war between the two most famous Yakuza in Japan, the Yamaguchi-gumi and the Sumiyoshi-kai.

But after killing three birds with one stone, all the more you should look out for other birds who may come to seek revenge, don't you think?

Or actually, birds of revenge from the fourth bird you accidentally 'killed'.

Though that man is more like a snake.

A snake which you injured quite badly.

A very impossible situation for a snake to be amongst the birds you killed, but the birds just happened to be on the ground and not in the sky, so possible all the same.

Just like how you described to Nakura, right Orihara?

Kishitani Shinra. A very interesting individual to be able to make you of all people take revenge for him – when he doesn't even want revenge himself. Perhaps you too are satisfying your guilt, like you told Nakura.

Perhaps it's a form of twisted self-reflection, for you are a selfish person after all.

Though be careful to not lose your own life in the process – you who are scared of death.

Be careful to not have poetic justice turn its hungry head from Nakura towards you, in an ironic twist of fate.

But I digress.

An information broker really shouldn't be so careless, it's quite a dangerous job after all.

….

Hm? Who am I?

Haha! I can't tell you that. It would be too much of a shock.

Haven't I introduced myself before?

Just call me Tsukumoya. Tsukumoya Shinichi.

You don't have to think of me as anyone. Just think of me –

As a being who is interested in seeing this city itself manifesting.

And one of the manifestations of this city –

Is that man in a bartender suit.

…..

Oh Orihara, sleeping so peacefully.

You don't even know something interesting is happening in your city, don't you?

Because of you.

Taking your anger out on the one who pisses you off the most, making an exception when you usually refuse to provide his information to anyone –

Causing a butterfly effect just like Nakura when he threatened you, and just like Kishitani Shinra when he protected you –

And just like the Awakusu-kai when they sent you on this suicidal mission – but since they practically picked you up, your personal bias doesn't consider the possibility that they found out about your manipulation and kidnapping of Awakusu Akane and were intending to let fate itself get rid of you for they have no desire to dirty their hands.

Because you were picked up by them, you feel a sort of connection even you can't deny. It's like an aspiring singer and their recording label. The singer may be very good, but had he not been seen by a scout, he would never have been able to make a living doing his favourite thing – in his case, singing, and in your case, being an information broker. So he may become world famous, but he will still always hold a sort of unsaid debt to his recording label, even if he chooses to change labels in the future.

You may have connections to the famous Yamaguchi-gumi and Sumiyoshi-kai as information broker Chrome, but you will forever be tied to the Awakusu-kai as information broker Orihara Izaya.

There's a reason why information broker Chrome is not information broker A, yes?

You don't dare to step into that dark world yet. You fear death after all.

Ah well, it seems the Awakusu-kai failed. Do be aware though Orihara, that you're not the only one who contacts me for information.

Do also be aware that since you came to them when you were a kid, a mere teenager of fifteen, or was it Sweet Sixteen –

They see you as a kid. A kid who's playing around with his toys and whom they don't care about unless he causes trouble to the adults.

Unlike Heiwajima Shizuo, who they see as a man.

Well, it's none of my business is it?

I suppose children have their ways of surviving too, and so you get to live longer, since you did get the Awakusu-kai the weapons they wanted after all, from the hideout of the famous Yamaguchi-gumi no less.

I'm sure they're pretty impressed with you that you managed to cheat death. So they'll keep you around for a little longer, won't they? You do provide useful information to them after all, and they know to them, you would never dare lie.

But let's see, the Awakusu-kai caused a butterfly effect too, not Simon Brezhnev because he knew – but it all ends up –

At the hands of the man in a bartender suit.

Just like it always does.

You've gotten Heiwajima Shizuo involved again in one of your schemes and you don't even know.

…..Well I suppose –

You are just human after all.

…

…

…

Assassins. Contract killers. People hired to kill.

Italy was famous for them.

Also known as the clean-up army of the Mafia. Whenever Mafia Bosses preferred not to dirty their hands, they would let these cold-blooded contract killers do the job.

Severino Bassini was one of these Bosses who preferred not to dirty his hands. Especially as he was in the hospital from gunshot wounds from a Yakuza war.

Bassini was considered benevolent in the Mafia world, but powerful. He did not like unnecessary violence, but he was deadly when crossed. People would describe him as a snake – slithering and seemingly idle, but around you squeezing you to death if provoked - or sinking poisonous fangs into your flesh.

Yet even as a snake, he would be a boa. Killing by constriction and suffocation, but leaving his prey undeformed. His coils would wrap around his victim too fast for them to comprehend with significant force, so tightly they could not inhale and would suffocate and die.

But people always had varied opinions, and some men of honour argued that he was a king cobra. Despite his reputation, he avoided confrontation. But when provoked, he would show exactly why he was considered dangerous in the Mafia world. He was capable of dealing a poisonous, fatal bite.

Just like the king cobra, Bassini could still move forward to strike within a long distance while raising himself. And just like with the king cobra, people misjudged the safe zone when dealing with him. And would usually end up dead.

And so, this man known as a boa and a king cobra had been provoked, by a person who had misjudged the safe zone when dealing with him.

This is the explanation for the presence of two Italian Mafia Assassins in the Tokyo metropolis's second centre, Shinjuku.

Just like the Boss they were affiliated with, these assassins did not kill for pleasure but for, as they were meant to, a living. For money.

And just like their Boss, they were underestimated. And so their victims would end up dead.

There was a reason why these supposedly benevolent assassins could survive in the ruthless world of Mafia contract killers.

They were known by their first names, and their first names alone. Some speculated they were alias, others believed they were real.

This was the reason why despite their dangerous reputation, they had no official alias.

For their names ironically fitted their style.

...

Luciano. 'Born in the first hours of light'.

His speciality was blinding his opponents before he killed them. Both figuratively with his blinding speed, and literally.

Born in the first hours of light

Moves at the speed of light

Beware or he'll blind your sight.

Luciano was half British and had a fondness for poetry. Thus his reputation travelled with that rhyme. It was the only English poem his adversaries were interested in. Even though it didn't allow them to defeat him in battle before he killed them.

But that is irrelevant.

Michele. 'Who is like God?'

It was indeed a question mark with this man. For people didn't know if he was just lucky, or if he really was omniscient.

Michele had no fixed fighting style. He knew a range of fighting styles, and he was experienced in studying an opponent's fighting style and deconstructing it in his mind – its strengths, weaknesses, blind spots.

To his opponents, it was almost as if he was omniscient. Especially as he did it in the middle of battle. Fighting and killing were just systems to him – to deconstruct and expose the weaknesses of until he gained the advantage and emerged victorious.

His specialty was breaking the system.

No one knew how he did it, or when he did it, one moment he could be on the losing end, and the other you could end up dead with a bullet hole through your chest, and your weapon nowhere to be seen.

Unlike other assassins, these two stood out in the Mafia world for not their number of killings but the mystery that surrounded them. No one knew where they came from. All they knew was that they were affiliated with the Boa-King Cobra Mafia Boss Severino Bassini, and that meant they were dangerous and not to be underestimated.

No one knew their exact number of killings either, the man who was 'Like God' and the man 'Born in the first hours of Light' came and went like the wind. All people knew was that they were affiliated with each other, and even the Bassini famiglia (save for their Boss) lacked information on them.

But despite not being known for their number of killings, they were alive and not dead, and people preferred not to let their guard down around these enigmatic individuals. Especially because of rumors that other assassins' sudden deaths were due to them.

Nevertheless, whether they were benevolent or ruthless, these two assassins arrived in Shinjuku one fine night.

On orders of the only man who could be called their Boss, Severino Bassini –

To send a violent message to the man who had crossed the Mafia Boss –

Orihara Izaya, Shinjuku's information broker.

…

…

…

**An hour earlier, in an apartment in Shinjuku**

**...**

"Hey Luce?"

"…"

"Sorry. That's a girl's name in English right. I meant, Luciano."

"….It's a girl's name in Italian too."

Luciano muttered for what felt like the hundredth time to him but his companion was busy looking around.

"Anyway, Luciano…."

"What is it, Michelle?"

"This is the place, right?"

"I suppose. Certainly looks like it belongs to some rich guy."

"Yeah I know, but are you sure it's the information broker's residence? I mean look –"

The glass door slid open with a silent sound.

"The glass door isn't even locked!"

"….It seems he's more careless than we thought. The Boss overestimated him."

"Guess so."

The Italian male stepped into the apartment, shrugging his shoulders. He was of a slightly slender build, but his tanned arms were toned with muscles. His black hair which camouflaged with his black hat reached the nape of his neck which he turned, surveying the spacious apartment with blue eyes which matched the blue feather in his hat.

"Is that like two computers? Woo, guy sure is rich."

"Michele."

"Yeah I know. We're here to kill. Right….hey after we kill him can I have that laptop? It looks really cool."

"…..Stealing is forbidden in the rules, Michele."

The one who had muttered was a sandy haired blond. Standing at about the same height with his companion, his sharp, dark brown, almost black eyes caught sight of a door left slightly ajar in the luxurious apartment.

"Oh yeah right. But we're not exactly men of honour, we're just hired by a man of honour."

"That's true."

"Yeah. Anyway the Boss really overestimated this information broker guy."

"Yeah, no bodyguards anywhere at all –"

_Creeeeak._

Had the two men not been experienced in invading homes themselves, they would have started at the sound of the door opening.

Smoke came from the cigarette on the man's lips. He was tall but had a thin build, and his blond hair was visible even in the darkness. He seemed to be wearing black and white.

"Damn flea. Why the hell did I come back?"

The man seemed to be muttering to himself. He puffed on his cigarette in frustration.

"I should just go home. Yeah what the hell am I doing here I should just –"

He paused suddenly, as his hazel eyes shifted their gaze.

"Who's there?"

"Shiiit, you're sharp. And here I thought we could stab you in the back."

"Who the hell are you?"

"Michele." The shorter blond held out a hand. He turned his dark brown eyes to meet the other man's hazel ones. He spoke in formal Japanese.

"Excuse us. But we're here to kill the information broker who lives in this apartment."

"….Tch. Assassins? Just my luck."

The blond in black and white which sent an uneasy feeling to the other blond, gave a derisive scoff.

"What the hell did the flea do this time?"

"..Flea?"

Luciano asked, unsure if he had heard wrong. Why would such a big man be talking about or be concerned about a flea? And how could a flea do anything a human would be concerned about? If fleas were annoying they were just squashed. Pure and simple.

"Orihara Izaya. Information broker Orihara Izaya. What did he do?"

- I see. So Orihara Izaya is also known as a flea.

- ….Why isn't he squashed yet?

- No matter. He will be by the end of tonight.

"He tricked a Mafia Boss into a conflict with the Yakuza. And now he wants revenge."

"Hey Luciano! Why the heck are you telling him everything?!"

"Well he asked." Luciano just shrugged. His eyes were still on the other blond. "So, if you understand, you should leave and pretend you didn't see anything –"

"No."

"….What?"

"You deaf? I said no."

"….I don't think you understand the danger you're in. We're professionals trained to kill. But I'd rather not kill an innocent if I can help it. So if you –"

He was cut off when his own body instinctively dodged the projectile that flew past his cheek.

"…."

The male touched his cheek. It burned slightly.

"Take that as a warning. You're pissing me off. Now leave."

The man spoke slowly and calmly. But Luciano's mind was flashing back to a few seconds ago –

The man had not thrown the cigarette.

He had flicked it with his index finger.

And they were near the glass door, while he was all the way at the main door.

Suddenly the black and white clicked in his mind.

"Hey, Luc -"

"Bartender suit." The blond assassin with dark brown eyes muttered at the same time his partner realized.

"…That's bad isn't it?"

Luciano sighed. He flicked his gaze to the taller man, switching back to Japanese.

"Are you here to kill the information broker?"

"No."

The shorter blond blinked.

"Are you here as his bodyguard then?"

"Me? That flea's bodyguard? No way in hell!"

The blond man in a bartender suit seemed to be disgusted at the thought.

The other blond was confused. He shook his head, flicking his sandy blond hair away from his eyes. "Why are you here then?"

"…..It's none of your business."

The man in a bartender suit muttered, seeming not to want to talk about the matter at all.

"…."

The information he had been given was not making sense in Luciano's head. The man in a bartender suit was supposed to be in Ikebukuro, not in Orihara Izaya's apartment in Shinjuku. Unless he wanted to kill him. Which he had already said he didn't.

"Look Luce, let me try." Michele said as he turned his blue eyes. "Right. Bartender suit-san. If you're not here to kill the information broker and you're not here to protect him, then you should leave, right?"

"Like hell I'll leave and let you kill the flea."

"..But you said you're not here as his bodyguard."

"Just because I'm not here as his bodyguard doesn't mean I'll let you kill him."

Michele blinked. He felt as if he were experiencing culture shock. Were all Japanese like this? His words didn't make sense at all.

Or was it just this man?

…Or maybe it was just his own inexperience in the language.

"….Are you his friend then?"

"Hell no! As if I would ever want that flea as a friend –"

"Are you his boyfriend then?"

"WHAT?!"

The blond man in a bartender suit seemed horrified at the mere suggestion.

"No? Then, his lover?"

"….YOU WANT TO DIE, DON'T YOU?!"

The door was suddenly in the man's hands.

…..Wait.

The door?

Luciano's eyes widened slightly while Michele gaped.

"W-What?!"

"Impossible….."

Luciano muttered in disbelief as Michele pushed out his hands.

"Wait – wait! Bartender suit-san! Don't throw that door at me! I was joking about the lover thing – but really, you're not his friend, you're not here to kill him and you're not here to protect him either so what was I supposed to think?!"

"…."

Fortunately, the black haired man's words seemed to make sense to Shizuo. He inhaled with a glare, then put the door down.

"Tch."

"….Let's go then."

"Eh?"

Michele sounded stupid. Luciano didn't hit him only because his current thoughts were pretty idiotic as well.

- Bartender suit is weird

- We were not heard

- I can see why he's feared

Yes the English poem was suddenly quite idiotic to even him. And obvious. And nowhere near the level of his other poems. He tore the metaphorical paper to pieces and scattered them into the black hole in his mind.

"Go where?"

Said weird bartender suit looked at him as if he was the weird one.

"Outside. Where else?"

He snorted as if at their stupidity, then turned to them with an annoyed gaze.

"You bastards won't leave, so we're gonna take this outside."

He walked towards them in long strides, muttering as if to himself -

"….If we fight here the place will be destroyed and the flea will suck all my money away."


	7. Chapter VII

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

_In which the Flea Screws Everything Up, Sunglasses Save Shizuo's Sight and There Is No System_

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

It had been right to not underestimate the man in a bartender suit. When he and Michele had proceeded towards the door (or lack thereof) believing the civilian would prefer the stairs, said civilian had walked past them to the other entrance they had entered from –

And promptly jumped off the building from the second floor.

Not using anything to climb down, just a huge leap from the 2nd floor to the ground.

Miraculously, when they had gone to check on him, they found him looking up at them, completely unharmed with a cigarette in his mouth and an irritated look in his eyes, shouting at them that weren't they assassins and couldn't they 'hurry the hell up?' For he wanted to get the fight over and done with.

The two assassins had shared a look that told each other they had the same ironic feeling of being the civilian – before they followed the man in a bartender suit's example.

** ...**

**Ten minutes later **

...

And now, the three men were standing somewhere in Shinjuku, having followed the so called civilian to a relatively quiet area where they wouldn't draw much attention.

Despite his impatience, the blond man decked in black and white who had put on a pair of designer sunglasses had removed his cigarette from his lips and looked like he wanted to say something, so they waited.

"..You two. What are your names?"

He had spoken after staring at them for a while, and the Italian blond answered.

"I'm Luciano, and he's Michele."

Shizuo blinked. He tilted his head, staring at the black haired man.

"…..Michelle? Isn't that a girl's name in English?"

"Michele – not Michelle -Wait it's a girl's name in English?! Stop laughing, Luciano!"

The blond man was doubled over in laughter, pounding his fist against his thigh.

"- Haha- Haha- hahahaha! Sorry, _Michelle_."

He pronounced the feminine name with an innocent smile, causing the black haired man's face to heat up in embarrassment and anger.

"You bastard, I knew you were pronouncing my name weird! You mean all this time you've been calling me a girl's name?! Sounds nicer in the English pronunciation my foot! Bartender suit-san, really?!"

"Well my English isn't good but it sounds like a girl's name in English."

"Well it isn't! In Italian, it's Mi-KEH-lee. MI-KEE-LEH! Not Mi-chele! Lucia I'm gonna kill you after this!"

"At least yours is only a girl's name in English, the short forms you give my name are girls' names in _both _English and Italian. Tch."

"Eh really? But Luce sounds nice! And Lucia sounds nice too! Luciano is so long! Lu-cha-no! Three syllables, Luce!"

"Mi-Keh-Leh is also three syllables, Michele."

"….Oh yeah."

"And you can memorize fighting styles in less than a minute but you can't memorize three syllables. Brilliant."

"T-That's different! Anyway I can't just drop it after so long -"

"….Tsk. Do whatever you want."

"..Eh? Aww really? Thanks Lucia!"

"No problem, Michelle."

"…"

Shizuo was getting a little annoyed. The calling of girls' names between the two men who were clearly close reminded him of the flea who called him 'Shizu-chan'.

After all these years, he still didn't understand why the flea had to add a feminine suffix to his name. No, he couldn't even call him 'Shizuo-chan'. At least then Shizuo could have pretended Izaya was calling him a kid. But the damn flea just had to say "Shizu-chan". As if his name was Shizuka instead of Shizuo.

"….Tch! Oi, are we gonna fight or not?!"

Shizuo said impatiently, the thought of the flea calling him Shizu-chan and him still not knowing why bringing annoyance to his mind.

"My apologies, bartender-san."

"Shizuo."

"Eh?"

"My name's Shizuo. Heiwajima Shizuo."

"Hei-wai? Hei-wa? Hei-wa-ja-ma? No that's not right, Hei….woji- argh I can't pronounce it at all! Why is your name so long?!"

"Tsk….That's my family name, Mikilo. My name's Shizuo."

"But Japanese address by family name out of respect." Luciano stated. He smiled. "Right, Heiwajima-san. Let's begin battle."

"Tch. Yeah –"

It was only because of his sharp instincts that Shizuo's hand dropped the cigarette and automatically raised barely in the nick of time to block the blade from slashing across his eyes.

"Oi Lucia! Go easy on him, he's not even our target!"

Luciano didn't reply. The look in his eyes was as if he had switched to battle mode. He leapt back before Shizuo's fist could hit his face, wielding his 9 inch switchblade stiletto in his hand.

"You have fast reflexes, Heiwajima-san."

A long sword dagger came into his other hand from his sleeve. The ambidextrous man crossed his blades, then seemed to disappear.

Shizuo had no weapon, so he brought his arms up to block the fast slashes at his body. He would have grabbed the man and thrown him, had he not been so fast Shizuo couldn't follow him with his eyes.

"Tch!"

The blond leapt back, glaring. Had his body not been as indestructible as it was, he would have suffered much more than cuts all over his arms.

He was annoyed. Very. Very Annoyed. He hated guys he couldn't catch and throw, like the flea.

And this man was like the flea and not like the flea at the same time – he was faster than the flea but his attack style was very different from the flea's.

Izaya leapt and dodged and annoyed him with that taunting smirk. When the coward fought, he would fight cautiously, going in for an effective strike before leaping out of the way just before he got hit. He seemed to time Shizuo's hits – or at least have some sort of instinct about Shizuo's movements, and so far it was impossible for Shizuo to get a good, solid, clean hit on him. And he would always laugh and smirk like he was enjoying it all.

But this guy was silent. And fast. How could Shizuo fight an opponent he couldn't even see? His strength would be of no use if he couldn't get hold of his opponent.

- Guess they're called assassins for a reason.

The sardonic thought floated through Shizuo's head.

But he hadn't gained his reputation for nothing, and he tried to tell this to the other blond who was suddenly in view.

"….You. Luchani. Even though you remind me of the fucking flea, you're not a bad guy. So, this is my last warning. Stop before you get seriously hurt. Go home and tell your Boss you failed your mission."

"Can't do that, Heiwajima-san. I'd still like to live."

"….."

Shizuo was silent for a while. He could feel not only the other blond looking at him but the black haired guy too, and his stare was making him feel annoyed.

"Then I won't hold back."

The blond's voice was low and warning. Luciano had the brief thought that the man in a bartender suit was actually kinder than his reputation made him out to be.

If it were him, he wouldn't have said anything. He would have just killed the man.

He only gave a single warning after all.

"Same here, Heiwajima-san."

He wasn't surprised when the man dodged the blade aimed at his face. But he was surprised when instead of trying to attack him like so many had done, the man stared as if he could see him, then closed his eyes.

"….?!"

Luciano stared for a bit, but when the man didn't move, he continued attacking the man, slashing at him with his knives –

But suddenly the man in a bartender suit seemed able to dodge. A few slashes still hit him but he moved his body as if to some unknown rhythm only he could hear, a rhythm that just happened to correspond with the execution of his unavoidable attacks.

- He can sense me.

- He can't see me, but he can sense me.

- This guy….he really isn't ordinary.

As he had these thoughts, his mind was distracted and he let his guard down –

_BANG_

Pain burst out in his stomach and then his back as his body was sent crashing against the hard metal of a lamppost.

"…YOU!"

"Luciano you alright?"

"…..Fine."

Luciano said calmly as he got up, wincing only slightly at the pain.

"His fist is like iron."

Michele said nothing. The dark haired male had a gun in his hand, and the other male realized he had fired it as soon as Shizuo's fist had hit him.

- Good old Michele.

"Now bartender suit-san, don't forget about me."

Shizuo's hand had gone to his bleeding shoulder, but otherwise he showed no sign of being affected by the gunshot.

"Tsk. Gun."

The man in a bartender suit who had been likened to a gun by the headless rider said, giving a scoff.

"Let's just get this over with."

_BANG –_

Or at least, that was what the sound should have been, but there was no sound and Michele realized he couldn't pull the trigger.

"?!"

As soon as the realization hit him, his face was grabbed and felt like it was being crushed as his eyes met a pair of feral eyes –

- Shit.

But his other hand was free and soon a knife slashed across Shizuo's neck, making the blond loosen his hold. The black haired man took the opportunity to jump back, his left hand releasing the gun who had its barrel bent.

He was about to pull out another gun but a _boom_ sounded, and smoke from a grenade filled the air around Shizuo.

A bitter grin crossed Michele's lips as he watched the blond assassin dart into the smoke, heading towards their opponent who had had a chilling look in his eyes -

- So that's the Monster of Ikebukuro.

-If we don't aim to kill him, we'll be the ones who'll end up dead.

- I guess the two of us are needed after all.

...

...

Shizuo was trapped in smoke.

One moment he had grabbed hold of the gunman's face, and the next the guy had slashed a knife across his neck and then suddenly smoke was all he could see.

- Fucking assassins.

At the same time, Shizuo was receiving slashes all over his body as if the smoke itself could damage his body.

He hated violence, and the assassins were better guys than the flea, nicer even, but they were beginning to piss him off.

Especially as he was also now receiving gunshots from a silent gun.

Using his instincts, Shizuo dodged the next gunshots as he tried to see through the smoke –

And promptly got slashed horizontally across his eyes.

Or he would have, had he not been wearing his sunglasses.

As it was, the knife hit his sunglasses, flinging them far away –

"…!"

The monster's hand reached out to grab hold of human skin. And though he couldn't see, he could hear the cracking of bones, and a short, pained gasp.

_CRACK_

His other hand reached out to grab hold of the invisible man's neck, but a sizzling sensation in his hand distracted him and the man tore his broken wrist away and was suddenly gone.

Shizuo could no longer feel his presence. He walked calmly forward, and as the smoke dissipated, reached out his hands towards something heavy and lifted it off the ground.

_Creak_

When the smoke cleared completely, the man in a bartender suit was standing and despite the bleeding wounds all over his body, holding a bench in his hands.

He used the bench to block the gunshots aimed at him as he proceeded forward towards the assassins, his hazel eyes flashing dangerously.

The bench soon left his hands, but they had been anticipating it and dodged the heavy wood that landed on the ground with a crash.

Michele barely dodged the fist that came swinging at him as the blond man was suddenly in his face again. He shot his silenced gun at the man, hitting easily at such close range but not seeming to deal much damage.

- He really is indestructible.

His gun was knocked out of his hand, and he wished he had brought his shotgun. Switching to close combat mode, the black haired man ducked before Shizuo could grab his neck and strangle him, aiming a kick at Shizuo's chin.

Shizuo's other hand grabbed his leg but Michele had been anticipating it. He executed a roundhouse kick, impacting Shizuo's chest and at the same time springing off with the force from his feet and blackflipping away.

After seeing what the monster of Ikebukuro had done to Luciano's arm, Michele smartly chose not to block his attacks, merely dodge them and counter them with his own as his blue eyes silently assessed for a glitch he could create in the system.

Every fighter had a system. A system made up of combat moves, particular ways of movements and timing of defence. Every system was different, but every system could be broken. Consciously or not, every fighter followed their system when they fought, and that was Michele's job – to exploit that faithful following to the system. To identify patterns and uncover weaknesses, glitches.

When he created enough glitches, the system would eventually break down. And that was when he would strike the death blow.

Though with this indestructible man, he would be lucky if he could strike a fatal blow.

Aware of the systems others possessed, Michele did not have his own personal system. He had no particular fighting style, he used a variety of fighting styles, depending on the situation. He could switch his fighting style in the middle of battle to confuse his opponent.

And the style his opponent was using –

Which currently he was attempting to deconstruct –

Was one he could not identify.

There were some moves that seemed to belong to boxing, and some from professional wrestling, a few from martial arts and some which seemed completely random and did not belong to any form of fighting at all.

- This guy….

It was only because of Michele's experience with identifying fighting styles and breaking systems that he managed to not get hit so far.

At this point, he dodged the fist that made the air rush past his face and blow against his hair, and sprung back, landing on his feet and staring with wary eyes at the man in a bartender suit.

For the man who had gained a reputation of being omniscient almost like a God in battle had arrived at a stunning conclusion about the man known as The God of Destruction.

- It's dangerous to go near him

- He has no fighting style.

This was why the man in a bartender suit had managed to defeat the Killing Monster and the Killing Machine whom Michele admired, with a park bench alone.

He did not rely on fighting style.

He relied on violence.

And violence alone.

Coupled with his superhuman strength, he was indeed the personification of violence.

But Michele did not know this, even as he was almost hit by the fist that came swinging at his face.

- There's no System to break.

- ….How does he fight?

- Don't tell me….he uses his instincts alone?

It was a shock to Michele. The man in a bartender suit seemed to have no real trained fighting skill – but his instincts were so good and coupled with his strength, he made a more than worthy opponent to any who dared cross him.

Had he not been who he was, his omniscience giving him the title of The God of Battle, Michele would have had all his bones broken by now by The God of Destruction.

For Shizuo had aimed at all the delicate parts of his body's joints. The most vulnerable points of a human body. The pressure points.

- He's not a martial artist, so how does he know where the pressure points are?

- He seems to be randomly swinging and yet it's as if he's aiming to hit my pressure points.

- ….Are his instincts that good?

- If so, this man…..

- Is terrifying.

Michele had hit him several times, a few blows even landing close to the man's pressure points, but the man in a bartender suit remained undamaged. If anything, the hits only made him angrier – especially as he couldn't seem to land a hit on the black haired man.

"WILL YOU JUST FUCKING STOP DODGING ALREADY AND LET ME HIT YOU ARGHHHHH?!"

"Maybe I will, if you stop aiming for my pressure points! That's fucking scary, bartender suit-san!"

"HAH? PRESSURE WHAT? THE FUCK IS THAT, UGH YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE FLEA! NO THE FLEA WILL BE THE WORST BECAUSE HE MAKES ME USE THE VIOLENCE I HATE BUT YOU'RE _PISSING ME OFF!"_

"You _hate_ _violence?_ Is that supposed to be some joke, bartender suit-san?! You're being very violent right now! Haha what are you, an angel with a shotgun?"

- I have a feeling if I get hit the impact will be worse than a shotgun….!

- ….Shit, going to this extent to protect the information broker...

- Still, rather than an angel with a shotgun, it's like that man himself is a shotgun

- ...And here I thought it would be an easy job!

Michele thought frantically as he avoided Shizuo's violent attacks, sweat trailing down his face.

"HAH?! THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING, I AIN'T NO ANGEL! NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME HIT YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"

At this moment, a ballistic knife came flying, and Shizuo jerked his head back, the tip of the knife scraping against his chin.

"YOU BASTARD! STILL HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH, EH?!"

"I'm not that easy to defeat, Heiwajima-san."

Luciano said with a slight smile, but the look in his eyes was serious.

He knew not to interfere when Michele was in close combat, but from the looks of it, Michele had failed.

For the first time.

- If my speed and Michele's gunshots have no effect on him, and Michele can't break his system –

- Is it possible….that there's no way to defeat him?

- And it's not only his strength – it's the way he fights;

- His instincts are superhuman, just like his strength

- Then….how is it Orihara Izaya whom Heiwajima Shizuo calls the flea…..

- How is it he's still alive?

- How can he survive being this man's enemy?

- He looks nowhere as strong as him.

- Though Heiwajima-san isn't exactly muscular either….

"….YOU REALLY HAVE A DEATH WISH, DON'T YOU?!"

As if the flying _knife_ had reminded him he had no weapon in hand, Shizuo dashed with surprising speed to the nearest public property.

The assassins stared as the man in a bartender suit tore the signpost off the ground with one hand –

"Luce."

"Yeah."

The signpost was thrown like a projectile, swooshing past their faces.

And then a vending machine came next – at least that was what Luciano thought the big rectangle in the air with drinks staring in his face was –

And it was indeed a vending machine as it crashed to the ground behind him and Luciano moved to avoid the dangerous glass pieces scattered through the air.

"No wonder the labels on vending machines warn they can cause serious injury or death!"

Luciano was in too much shock to even smile.

_CRASH_

"Damn it, I should have brought my shotgun!"

"I don't think even your shotgun could damage him."

"Oh man, what do we do?!"

"Survive."

Luciano said, not knowing public property could be so dangerous –

That they could be used as _weapons_.

- No wonder the Boss told _us_ to stay far away from him.

- This guy is insane.

As if using public property as weapons wasn't enough, Shizuo was now at a tree, his hands around the tree trunk –

"D-Don't tell me….!"

Luciano wasn't sure what sound a tree made as it was being uprooted, but whatever sound it was, he was hearing it now.

The sight was so surreal and impossible that even if he had been able to damage the man in a bartender suit, his feet were rooted to the ground as the tree had its roots torn out from the ground, and he was too stunned to move.

It was as if he had exchanged places with the tree.

It was as if his brain had short circuited at the lack of logic and pure insanity happening before him, and his motor functions were malfunctioning.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing, Luciano?!"

Luciano wanted to reply, but his vocal cords were malfunctioning as well.

"I'd take that as a yes! HOLY -"

First a bench, and now the man in a bartender suit was holding a tree above his head.

Luciano and Michele shared a quick glance that spelled 'Oh Shit'.

And then the tree was in the air, and they were running to the middle to avoid being crushed by the huge tree, the branches barely scraping their suits and tearing off pieces of cloth.

But Luciano realized too late.

The tree had been a mere decoy.

For as they barely escaped the tree, there was something familiar looking emerging from the dust which shrouded their vision.

Something was swinging at him.

He only realized it was the lamppost that had been innocently standing by providing light for their fight, when it hit him and it felt like his ribs and several bones had been broken -

"GOOOOOO AWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"

That was the last thing the assassins heard as they flew past the stars in the night sky.

"FLEA IS MINE!"

Shizuo bellowed after the human shooting stars as he gripped the lamppost like a baseball bat –

"TO KILL!"

...

It was only when a few moments passed in silence that the man in a bartender suit returned to his senses. He blinked, then scoffed and let the lamppost crash to the ground, digging in his pocket for a cigarette.

"How troublesome. I wasted so much time!"

The blond man said to himself in frustration as he lighted his cigarette. He put it to his lips and inhaled, calming himself down with the smoke in his system.

"….Tch! It's all that stupid, careless flea's fault! Pissing off some Mafia Boss….greedy bastard can't even stick to Japan's underworld can he?"

"And – I HATE VIOLENCE! I REALLY HATE VIOLENCE AND BECAUSE OF THAT FUCKING FLEA, I HAD TO USE IT! HE'S NOT EVEN HERE AND HE FUCKING MADE ME USE THE VIOLENCE I HATE! ARGHHH I AM GOING TO KILL HIM! KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL KILL!

Shizuo yelled to the night air as he walked away from the fallen tree and lampost. His eyes roamed their gaze, and stopped.

He walked over, and picked up the miraculously undamaged sunglasses from the ground. He turned it over in his hand to be sure there really was no damage, then hooked them onto his bartender shirt.

"….Good thing it's not broken."

Shizuo sighed in relief. Puffing on his cigarette, he strolled along the desolated area, as if he had not just sent two assassins flying through the sky to who knows where.

"Where to go now – well home of course –"

He paused. He was reminded at that moment that he had broken the information broker of Shinjuku's door. And left the glass door wide open.

"….Well it's not like I care. And it's not as if anyone will – there aren't any more assassins right?"

"…."

"…ARGHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH!"

An owl in a nearby tree hooted in fright and flew off into the night, but Shizuo didn't know this. He was busy pacing around the ground, gritting his teeth and crushing the cigarette he had tossed onto the ground.

"NOW I'M CONFUSED! WHAT THE HELL SHOULD I DO?! THE FLEA REALLY SCREWS EVERYTHING UP – I'M GONNA KILL HIM OVER AND OVERRRRRRRR!"

Any night time insects that had been brave enough to linger around during the destructive fight had by now fled at the Monster of Ikebukuro's roar in Shinjuku.

Apparently Shinjuku wasn't as safe a place as they had thought.

"Um Sir, can you be quiet please –"

"HAH?!"

"EEEEEK! NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL!"

The unfortunate passerby who had been walking along the area screamed in fright and fled once he saw blond hair and a bartender suit, wondering why the Monster of Ikebukuro was in Shinjuku.

Seeing a human fleeing, a black cat followed the human's example, turning and running away from the dangerous presence.

Once both animals and humans had fled from him, Shizuo seemed to calm down. He stopped abruptly, inhaling slowly, and spoke to himself –

"Argh I am so PISSED OFF - BUT it would be a fucking waste if I just leave that bastard alone, who knows what shit he's got himself mixed up into."

Shizuo stomped onto the ground in frustration, producing a crack in asphalt. He exhaled, then walked heavily forward, some of his steps heavy stomps that left a series of uneven cracks in the ground behind him, as if a minor earthquake had rocked the ground.

"Tch! That bastard better be safe. Or I'd have wasted my time for nothing -"

Suddenly he stopped. The atmosphere around him seemed to become more dangerous, as a feral grin crossed his lips.

"Actually, I can just kill him! Since I'm in Shinjuku already. Then I wouldn't have to worry about any other bastard killing him!"

Shizuo was proud of himself for coming up with such a fantastic idea. As he walked, he felt like grinning all the way to the flea's apartment in Shinjuku, until an image flashed in his mind.

An image of a sleeping flea.

In front of his face.

_CLANG_

A second lamppost in the area fell to the ground by Shizuo's strength. His hair covering his eyes, Shizuo yelled to the night air –

"ARGHHHHH I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HIM THEN! I SHOULD HAVE –"

"….But I couldn't. Because he didn't look like the flea and all and -!"

"He….took care of me. Sort of. I was the one who caused him trouble this time – even though it was him who pissed me off in the first place!"

Shizuo turned his face away to hide his embarrassment even though there was no one to see him. He withdrew his fist, clenched it then moved forward, brushing his hair away from his eyes in annoyance, muttering to himself as he headed towards the apartment of the information broker of Shinjuku.

"Anyway I can't kill a guy in his sleep. ….Even if it's the shitty flea...right."

"…..ARGHHHHHHHH! THAT BASTARD REALLY DOES SCREW EVERYTHING UPPPPPPPP! SHOULD I KILL HIM OR NOOOOOOOT?!"

Needless to say, the dilemma would continue until the man in a bartender suit reached the information broker's apartment in Shinjuku.

…

…

…

**Current time, an apartment in Shinjuku**

**..**

**..**

Shizuo sighed in frustration as he held the flea who seemed to snuggle into him.

"…."

He wasn't a heartless bastard like Izaya and didn't have the heart to kill the flea after the flea's unconscious confession.

Or leave the lonely man.

He owed the flea anyway. And it would be hypocritical for him as a debt collector to not repay his debt.

Sort of.

Just for today.

Or tomorrow. Whatever.

Was it past midnight? He hadn't checked the time.

Anyway, neither was he a man who would kill another man in his sleep.

He wasn't a coward like the flea.

Silence reigned in the bedroom, leaving the man in a bartender suit alone with the sleeping information broker who was still alive, and his conflicting feelings and thoughts.

Shizuo wasn't a liar like Izaya, so he would admit to himself it was nice to hold someone close, even if it was the flea.

And it was nice to have someone want to be close to him, Ikebukuro's Monster –

Regardless of the person's gender -

And even if it was the flea.

Who suddenly didn't seem like an annoying insect but a normal human.

"….You really screw everything up, don't you?"

For once, the flea didn't answer him with his shitty words, but with his soft breathing.

"….."

Shizuo scoffed, growling the next words under his breath -

"I'm going to kill Simon tomorrow."

…

…

**Somewhere in Tokyo**

**…**

**…**

"Luciano?"

"Y….Yeah?"

"You alright?"

"I'll….survive."

"Oh. Hey at least we weren't separated. He was kind enough to send us flying together!"

Silence.

"….And well he did send us a warning."

"I see the origin for the saying, 'A flea disturbs a lion more than a lion can ever disturb a flea'."

"Yeah. Still, I'm curious why that lion is at the flea's place…."

"Guess today isn't our lucky day."

"Night you mean."

Another bout of silence.

"…My dearest Luci?"

"What? And _don't_ call me that. I'm in great pain and am in no mood. And my pride isn't faring any better."

"Right. Mine isn't either. Lucia."

"Do you want to die?"

"OH no, now that I know how painful almost dying is, I don't think I want to die."

"….It was a rhetorical question, Mich."

"Oops. Anyway….what's the ambulance number for Japan again?"

"…."

"Ow!"

"Idiot."

"Oh hey you're quite close after all, good 'cause I don't think I can even crawl…."

"Whatever."

"….Well?"

"….I don't know either."

"….We're both idiots. Dead idiots. We are soooooo dead."

"Well how would I know the man in a bartender suit would be there?!"

"Chill Luce, I didn't know either. Well we'll just call Boss!"

"….Do you want to die? And I mean it literally this time."

"Hey you have a better idea? If we don't, we really are going to die! And I still don't want to die!"

"…."

Silence, then weak, gurgled chuckling.

"Looks like we're gonna join Boss in the hospital."

"He is going to be so mad."

"Haha yeah! We might as well bleed to death here."

"Let's hope we don't land in the same room as him."

The chuckles of one man turned nervous.

"Hey….Luciano?"

"….What is it?"

"Don't kill me….but I think my phone just ran out of battery."

"I won't kill you….because I left my phone back at the hotel."

"…"

"Born in the first hours of light, Died in the last hours of night."

"Oi oi Luciano, now you're starting to worry me! And I'm in no state to worry! What the hell's with that?"

"My name. Luciano – Born in the first hours of light. Haha! Fitting, isn't it? It rhymes in English."

"Alright now I'm really worried. Snap out of it man! This is no time for your stupid poems!"

"It's not stupid. It's original. Born in the First Hours of Light, Died in the Last Hours of Night. If only I could have that engraved on my gravestone – hey. Michele darling, would you -"

"Michele darling?! Say that again and I might just faint dead away! And it's Mi-Kee-Lee, you just called me a girl's name again, didn't you?!"

"But Michelle sounds prettier –"

"Shut up, you're hysterical! And I doubt I'll survive to get your stupid poem engraved on your gravestone. Actually if we die here would we even have gravestones?! Tch! There's got to be something –"

_Vrooooooooom_

"-Something?"

"Something indeed."

The darkness was lit up by a light. It came from a black motorbike. Both men watched as a figure, with a yellow helmet that reflected off the light, descended from the motorbike.

It made its way towards them, then held up a PDA.

[You two….you're foreigners aren't you?]

"How do you know?"

[I saw two people flying in the air from Shinjuku to Ikebukuro. Are you those two?]

"Wow….we're in Ikebukuro? We sure flew far."

The figure dressed in all black with a yellow helmet seemed to shake its head, before it flashed its PDA again.

[You pissed off the man in a bartender suit, didn't you?]

"….Yeah we did."

"Hey Luce what's the guy saying? Who is he anyway?"

"Guy on a black motorbike. Rumored to be headless."

"The Headless Rider?!"

"Yeah he asked if we pissed off the man in a bartender suit."

"…Yeah we sure did. But how does he know?"

"I guess because he often sends people flying through the air."

Luciano said blandly in his native language to his clueless companion who could not read the Hiragana and Kanji on the PDA. He spoke to the figure with a yellow helmet in polite Japanese.

"Sorry, but would you mind helping us get medical attention? We're bleeding quite badly I think."

[…I can take you to a doctor I know. Usually I wouldn't help those who pissed Shizuo off, but you two are foreigners. You couldn't have known any better.]

Luciano didn't say anything, there was no need to tell the truth when a lie could save their lives.

"Yeah we didn't know bartender suits were so dangerous in Tokyo. We did hear rumors, but we heard he was in Ikebukuro, not Shinjuku."

The figure seemed to start a little, before its helmet nodded and it flashed another message.

[True….circumstances were different today, you couldn't have known. Alright, I will help you two. Get on.]

The rider rumoured to be headless gestured, getting on the motorbike. The two men forced themselves up from the bloody ground and walked in as stable a manner as they could.

"At least I know my spine isn't broken."

Michele commented in relief and Luciano couldn't help but crack a smile.

"Though I think everything else is broken."

"Stop talking, you're wasting what could be your last breaths."

"So are you."

Even rolling his eyes would cause pain, so Luciano resisted the urge. They got onto the motorbike, and Michele spoke.

"Hey uh, rider-san. Thanks. You're a nice guy."

[It's no problem]

The figure in black replied after a while, then typed another message –

[Just don't piss off the man in a bartender suit again. If you value your lives]

"He says to not piss off the man in a bartender suit."

"Ah. Yeah. We know that now."

"You have my appreciation as well. Thank you very much."

Luciano bowed his head towards the headless rider, who gave him a nod in return, then turned forward.

_Screeeeeeeech_

"Hey Luciano?"

Michele spoke as if he had a sudden epiphany.

"Yeah?"

Michele adjusted his hat which had miraculously remained on his head, then spoke.

"I just realized…..the world is a big place."

"….Yeah it sure is."

"I'm never going to underestimate bartender suits again."

"…Hm."

"I thought I was strong enough. But after all, there's always someone stronger than you. So I'm gonna get stronger so there'll be less people stronger than me."

"You're not the only one."

The black vehicle zoomed through the night, bearing the two renowned Italian Mafia assassins who had gotten the brunt of the clandestine danger in Tokyo.

...

...

...

* * *

For those curious on their MBTI personality type -

Luciano is ISTJ and Michele is ISTP. Yes Michele is an introvert lol. He's very talkative but he gets his energy from introversion. Here are the meaning of their names.

* * *

Luciano (ISTJ) _Pronounced as Lu-cha-no in Italian_

Derived from the Latin common name Lucius, related to lux or lucis "light," therefore meaning "born in the first hours of light."

* * *

Michele (ISTP) _Pronounced as Mi-keh-leh in Italian_

Derived from the Hebrew Mika'el, composed of mi "who?," ke "like," and from El, abbreviation of Elohim "God," and means therefore "who is like God?".

* * *

Luciano is blond with dark brown eyes, Michele has black hair and blue eyes. I keep on thinking Luciano is blond with blue eyes argh. If I feel like it, maybe I'll create their profiles on my profile, but right now I'm lazy. They were only created for the plot of this story anyway.

Oh yeah, can't forget Shizu-chan. Shizuo (Quiet Man) is INTP. Izaya (Derived from the Prophet Isaiah) is INTJ. Michele and Luciano use Sensing, Shizuo and Izaya use Intuition.

Ahh the fighting scene could have gone better, but to me it was sort of ISTP VS INTP. No idea why. Lol~for Durarara, ISTP so far are Seiji and Mikage, and ISTJ are Namie and Vorona and...maybe Kasuka. ISTP is known as The Mechanic, and ISTJ as the Duty Fulfiller.

Even though he didn't appear, Severino (King Cobra Mafia Boss) is INTJ. Same as Izaya. The Mastermind. Severino means 'stern' or 'severe'.

Oh and ironically, I was listening to the song Angel with a Shotgun and the situation seemed to fit. It gave me a bit of inspiration. Though for Shizuo it's taking away the 'Angel' and leaving just the 'Shotgun'.

I know the plot may be a bit confusing, so I will put a linear General Timeline at the end to clarify events as they happened in chronological order.

Anyway next chapter it's back to Shizu-chan and Izaya~


	8. Chapter VIII

_..._

_. . . . . . . ._

_. . . . . . . ._

_In which the Information Broker Experiences the Morning After and the Debt Collector Attempts to Repay His Debt_

_. . . . . . . ._

_. . . . . . . ._

Izaya woke up alone the next morning in a warm bed.

"….."

For once, he was relieved.

It had just been a dream.

Last night, he had said things.

Things he would never, ever say when he was actually conscious.

But it was last night in a dream.

Izaya grinned widely, laughed to himself for even thinking it could have been anything but a dream, slipped off the bed and skipped off to the bathroom, pushing open the door –

And abruptly came face to face with a tall blond with his naked chest dripping wet and only a towel around his waist.

"Oh flea. You're awake."

Izaya stared. Shizuo blinked.

"Hey, you –ow."

_SLAM_

"WHAT THE _HELL, FLEA_?!"

It took Izaya a few seconds to find his vocal cords to scream back through the door.

"WHAT THE HELL, SHIZU-CHAN?! DON'T' SHOW ME YOUR DISGUSTING NAKED MONSTER BODY FIRST THING IN THE MORNING! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE ANYWAY?!"

"THE FUCK?! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PUSHED OPEN THE DOOR! I JUST FINISHED BATHING AND YOU BARGE IN! WHO'S DISRUPTING WHOSE PRIVACY HERE HUH?!""

"WHO SAID YOU COULD USE MY BATHROOM?!"

"ME, SINCE YOU CLUNG TO ME IN BED YESTERDAY NIGHT LIKE A FUCKING FLEA AND I HAD TO GET RID OF YOUR DISGUSTING FLEA GERMS!"

Izaya's face burned, but he didn't relent. He inhaled, then yelled.

"You stay in there! Don't you dare come out until I'm out of this room! My eyes are scarred, scarred, you monster!"

"Tch! What are you, a girl?! Wouldn't be a surprise with that fucking skinny body of yours! Whatever, hurry the fuck up, fucking flea!"

Izaya glared through the door at Shizuo for insulting his masculinity, then strode heavily out of his own bedroom with a growl.

"Oi flea! You out yet?!"

"Yeah!"

Izaya shouted back, then took hold of the doorknob and slammed the door closed. He looked forward with a sigh, only to be met with another surprise.

His door was on the floor.

The door to his apartment was on the floor.

"….."

Izaya inhaled slowly, then turned and shouted through the bedroom door.

"Heiwajima Shizuo what the hell did you to my DOOR?!"

"SHUT UP! I'LL EXPLAIN LATER!"

"YOU BETTER! YOU OWE ME, YOU MONSTER!"

"TCH! I SAID I'D EXPLAIN LATER, _DIDN'T I?!"_

"Tch!"

Izaya gave his own scoff, scowling as he leaned against the door, his mind already sorting out the repair cost for his door – in addition to the possibility of reinforcement of a steel enforced structure that could better withstand the monster's inhuman strength.

"This is what I get for bringing a monster home."

"…Not that I had any choice."

Izaya muttered bitterly to himself. He glared at nothing in particular, resenting the monster for ruining his morning.

Unfortunately, his mind chose that moment to remind him of the memory of yesterday night. Of being half-conscious and seeing a Shizuo who still seemed to be drunk and had chosen to stay with him –

Izaya blushed.

Not that he knew he was blushing, to him, his face just felt unusually warm as he was for once unhappy with his perfect memory.

"That idiot protozoan! He tricked me! I thought he was still drunk!"

Izaya said in frustration, for Shizuo had yelled about him clinging to him yesterday night, which meant he couldn't have been still drunk at that time if he remembered such a thing.

"Not that I wanted to say those things – it was just unconscious – I mean, why would I ever want a monster to stay? Makes no sense at all."

Izaya reasoned to himself, even though there was no one but himself who was accusing him of wanting to say the things he had said last night.

"That's right, it was a one time thing, damn monster caught me in my moment of….well my guard down. Because I thought he was still drunk! I mean, I subconsciously thought he was still drunk, because I wasn't actually conscious –"

"FLEA QUIT YAPPING TO YOURSELF I CAN HEAR YOU FROM HERE!"

"S-SHUT UP!"

Izaya yelled the only thing he could think of, embarrassed that he had spoken his thoughts out loud even though he hadn't intended to –

He just didn't expect the monster to be eavesdropping, that's all.

And he was even further embarrassed because Shizuo didn't sound angry like he was supposed to be, he had sounded amused as if he was roaring with laughter at Izaya inside his own head.

Deciding reasoning to himself that he hadn't intended or wanted to say those things he had said, was turning to be counterproductive, Izaya inhaled, counted to five, and let out his breath.

It was no use thinking of the past, now he had to focus on the present –

Which had a monster occupying it.

Izaya fumed silently, resisting the urge to stomp his foot on the ground like a child with a tantrum.

- Tch can't he just go away? Or better yet, die?

But Izaya hated a monster who couldn't die, and so he continued in his annoyance and frustration at the monster occupying his present –

And now his apartment.

Or to be precise, his bedroom.

His bedroom.

Not to mention the monster had used his bathroom. His _bathroom_. The place where he was supposed to get rid of dirt was now polluted with the monster's germs.

And so were his bedsheets.

Izaya scowled in disgust. Now he had to throw away those bedsheets and he couldn't even make the monster do it for it would be missing the point.

- This is so unfair. Why do _I_ have to house a monster?

Izaya pouted unhappily at his frustrating thoughts. He allowed himself to fall back against his bedroom door –

And promptly found himself falling back into empty space.

Eyes widening, Izaya flailed for a moment, before his wrists were caught and he was pulled up against a hard chest.

"Damn flea, what the hell are you doing? If you wanted to fall that much and hit your head you could have just asked nicely. I'd slam your head against the ground, how does that sound hm?"

"It's your fault for opening the door so suddenly."

Izaya spat, turning his head to glare at Shizuo who was grinning in amusement.

"Now let me go, I've had enough of your monster germs."

"…No I don't think I will."

"What?"

Izaya stared. Shizuo was smirking. He pulled Izaya closer to him, until he could feel Shizuo's hard chest against his back.

"I think I like you like this, flea. Hah! So out of control and _angry_. How does it feel, huh?"

Izaya wanted to strangle Shizuo with his bare hands. But his wrists were captured and he knew he was no match against the monster's strength.

So he settled for glaring and scowling –

"What do you want?"

"Hm? Nothing really."

"If you want nothing then let me go! Right, Now!"

Izaya emphasized his words with a jerk of his wrists which Shizuo had a hold of.

"Nah."

Shizuo replied simply, and Izaya stomped on his foot. Hard.

"….Don't do that again if you don't want me to break your leg."

Shizuo said calmly. Izaya stilled, then sighed in resignation.

"You can't hold me here forever."

Izaya said, trying to reason with the illogical monster who wasn't capable of logic.

"Want to test that out?"

Izaya forced himself not to move at the monster's breath on his ear. He shivered inwardly in disgust at the wet locks of blond hair brushing against his neck.

"I've finally caught you, in your own apartment no less. What makes you think I'm gonna let you go, huh?"

_I am getting way too careless._

Izaya was annoyed at himself. But more at Shizuo because the monster's presence was making him lose his control.

He hated the position Shizuo had him in, hated how he was drawn up against the brute's chest and forced to stay there as his wrists were captured in Shizuo's inhuman grip.

He hated being so helpless and powerless. In his own territory, no less.

If there was one thing he could even be glad for was that he only felt something hard against his upper back and _not_ his lower back.

That would have been too mortifying to consider.

Izaya shuddered at the thought, and quickly banished it away.

"Look Shizu-chan, there's no use keeping me here, right? Why don't you let me go, and so we can talk this out like reasonable men?"

"Hmmmm?" Shizuo replied, his breath on Izaya's neck.

Wait.

Neck?

Izaya prided himself on not shrieking like a girl, he merely gave a very manly gasp as Shizuo nuzzled his neck as if he was still drunk.

"Wait. Wait! What are you doing, Shizu-chan?! Didn't I say no nuzzling – wait you aren't even drunk – OW!"

Izaya's cry was because Shizuo had bitten his neck. He gave his most scorching glare towards the blond with sharp teeth.

"What the hell was that for, Shizu-chan?! What are you, a vampire?! What's with your obsession with my neck – don't you hate my smell?!"

"Tch vampire? You're the bloodsucker here, flea. And your neck's sensitive, unlike the rest of you, shitty flea. And if I touch this sensitive part here you get annoyed and less shitty. Maybe even cute."

"Cute? Do you want to die –ngh!"

To Izaya's horror, Shizuo had trailed his tongue over the smooth skin of his neck. Izaya's wrists trembled.

"I said stop it, you monster! Let me go!"

"Shut up. I'm wondering what my drunk self found so interesting about this shitty piece of skin. Tch it's really smooth….though it still belongs to a shitty flea."

"You bastard!"

Izaya didn't think he could be even more horrified until Shizuo made a low sound, a half groan half growl and pulled him closer, his monster teeth scraping against his neck.

"Shut up….you're noisy. Food don't talk."

"Food?! Shizu-chan! My neck isn't food – ah!"

Shizuo didn't seem to be listening to him at all, instead choosing to violate his neck with his mouth and tongue. Izaya bit his lip hard so no weird noises would escape, as he felt his body heat up against his volition.

"You…damn beast!"

"Mmmn….Izaya…"

And then Izaya jolted as his worst fear in the situation came true and he felt something unpleasantly hard poking him. He swallowed a shriek and decided to use his energy to thrash against the monster holding him captive instead, kicking back against the man in a bartender suit.

"Are you crazy, Shizu-chan?! How could you – are you that deprived -?!"

"Don't know what you're talking about, now for the last time shut up, or your neck will start to taste bad."

Heat rushed through Izaya's body. He was beginning to feel weak. In order to not let the situation end up like one of Karisawa Erika's insane scenarios, he inhaled, and with all his might, brought his foot down onto the monster's foot.

There was no gasp of pain from the monster, instead his vision spun and when it was stable again, he realized he had been slammed against the wall as Shizuo pinned him, glaring at him as if he wanted to break all his bones.

"The fuck, flea?! You can't just not piss me off, CAN YOU?!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Izaya said snidely, though it was somewhat undermined by the breathlessness in his voice. "But now that you seem back to your senses, can you let me go? My wrists really hurt."

"Hell no."

Izaya's face fell, but he soon gathered himself.

"Then, is this how you repay me?"

"Huh?"

"You might not remember, but you caused me a lot of trouble yesterday night, Shizu-chan. Of course, I'm a generous man even to a monster like you, so I'm not demanding anything in compensation. But I would at least like you to not molest me first thing in the morning, don't you think?"

"MOLESTING?! I WASN'T –"

"Is that so. Then tell me, if you licked and sucked and bit a woman's neck, would it be called molesting?"

"….Uh….I guess so? But what does that have to do –"

"Yes yes I'm not a woman, I'm sure even your protozoic brain can comprehend that. The point is, you don't just do such – intimate and sensual things to a person's neck! Especially if they're against it! And no, I don't care how good my neck tastes, you beast! My neck isn't food! So won't you let me go already?!"

Izaya gave his best glare from where he was pinned against the wall.

"Or is this how you repay your debt? Huh, debt collector Heiwajima Shizuo?"

"…..Tch!"

To Izaya's great relief, his wrists were finally released. He kept his gaze on Shizuo's face, ignoring the way Shizuo seemed to be staring at his neck with an almost longing look.

"….Shizu-chan."

"Hmm?"

In case Shizuo would become unpredictable and decide to lunge for his neck again, Izaya snapped his fingers in front of the brute's face.

"Stop staring! It's disgusting. My eyes are up here, you brute."

"Ah yeah…."

Izaya scowled and grabbed his shirt, pulling the neckline up to cover his neck from the monster's hungry gaze. He watched as Shizuo looked for a moment disappointed as if he had been denied a sweet dessert, then finally raised his gaze to meet Izaya's eyes.

"What, flea?"

"Would you kindly move aside you beast, and stop barricading my way?"

"….."

Shizuo tilted his head like a kid still waiting for his candy, but eventually moved out of the way. Izaya sighed as he felt as if he could breathe properly again.

He strode past the man in a bartender suit, speaking tersely.

"I'm going to take a bath. When I'm out you better be gone, monster."

"Can't."

Izaya whirled, but Shizuo was just looking at him with an honest gaze.

"What?"

"I said I can't. I have to repay my debt, don't I?"

"Oh no. You don't have to really."

Izaya said quickly, not wanting the monster in his house for a moment longer. But Shizuo stayed stubborn.

"Shut up. I have to, shitty flea. I'm not like you, even though it's you, I have to make up for causing you trouble. Tch what kind of debt collector would I be if I didn't repay my debt?"

Shizuo snorted at the notion then turned his gaze to Izaya again.

"Go take a shower flea, you stink. I'll prepare breakfast."

And then the man in a bartender suit walked away, and Izaya could do nothing but stare for a while, then turn and walk in the opposite direction into his bedroom, closing and locking the door behind him.

"First I have to deal with that brute's morning sexual frustration or should I say deprivation, and now I have to deal with his presence for potentially the whole day."

Izaya said tiredly, leaning his head back against the door. He scowled unhappily at the warmth of his body, as he realized his state.

"Tch. How disgusting. I need a cold shower."

Izaya muttered to himself as he headed to the bathroom, glaring as best as he could at the marks the monster had left on his once perfect, unblemished neck.

"Stupid beast."

He spent half an hour washing his neck with his strongest soap in the shower.

...

When Izaya emerged from the bedroom, his hair slightly damp and his pride fixed, he heard Shizuo's voice.

"Oi flea, this guy's here to see you."

Izaya blinked. The man turned his gaze to him. He seemed to be afraid of the monster of Ikebukuro smoking on his couch.

"….Shizu-chan put that cigarette out, no smoking in my apartment."

Izaya said tersely as he walked forward. He had completely forgotten about his appointment – how could he forget? Because the monster was unpredictable as usual and was messing up his head.

Izaya grumbled inwardly at the presence of a monster during his appointment with one of his humans, but he flashed a smile at the human. "Hey. Nozomu-san, right? What can I do for you?"

"I- that is –"

The man's eyes were screaming, 'Why is the man in a bartender suit here?!'

Izaya sighed. Inwardly.

"Oh don't worry, he's harmless," Izaya waved a hand at the silent Shizuo who was staring at the man with his sharp eyes.

"Shizu-chan can you go away? You're scaring my client."

"Tch. Like hell." Shizuo scoffed and Izaya turned to look at the annoyance on his features. "What if he's here to kill you? You're mine to kill."

"….He's a client, Shizu-chan." Izaya was practicing his patience with the illogical monster. "He's not here to kill me."

"Tch guys like him always have some hidden motive."

"…."

Izaya inhaled deeply.

"Nozomu-san, do have a seat."

"R-Right….or actually, I can always come back another time Orihara-san."

"Oh no, please do have a _seat_."

"….Y-Yes."

Shizuo cocked his head at the information broker who was approaching him.

"What – hey!"

Izaya smiled as he crushed the cigarette between his thumb and forefinger.

"Shizu-chan weren't you supposed to prepare breakfast?"

"What breakfast –"

"'You said, 'Go take a shower flea, you stink. I'll prepare breakfast'. Didn't you?"

"Uh….yeah?"

"So, aren't you supposed to be in the kitchen and not smoking on my couch and scaring my client?"

"Tch, I was about to make breakfast when this guy came in. if you think I'm leaving you've got another thing coming –"

"Shizuo do you want to pay for my broken door?"

"….No?"

Shizuo voiced almost hesitantly at the look in Izaya's eyes.

"Right, then shouldn't you be in the kitchen right this moment? Preparing _breakfast?"_

_"_Breakfast can be done later –"

"Shouldn't you?"

"….Fine."

Shizuo said reluctantly. Izaya was acting in a way that made him almost feel apprehensive, so he got up from the couch and made his way to the kitchen, turning his head with one last glare at the terrified human.

"When I finish your damn breakfast flea, that guy better be gone."

"Of course, Shizu-chan."

"….Tch! Stupid guy barging in and disturbing my peace."

With that said, the monster of Ikebukuro lumbered into the kitchen.

- Breakfast? Heiwajima Shizuo? They're a couple?!

- Just what have I gotten myself into?!

The man watched as the information broker turned, then smiled sharply at him, sending a shiver down his spine.

"My apologies for his rudeness. He's such an uncivilized brute, as you can see. His presence was unplanned. But don't worry, you're safe."

Izaya reassured in a tone that didn't seem to match the look in his eyes at all, as he sat down on the couch Shizuo had vacated, dropping the crushed cigarette into the ashtray he reserved for clients. He raised his gaze.

"Nozomu-san?"

"Yes….Orihara-san?"

"As you were saying over the phone, you suspect an employee to be using your company's funds for fraudulent means."

"Yes, that's right…."

Izaya moved to block the man's view of Ikebukuro's monster growling in the kitchen. He smiled politely at the inwardly panicking man.

"Nozomu-san, I would appreciate it if you would pay attention to me."

"Right yes, my apologies…."

- This guy is scary!

- That smile….!

- He's scarier than my wife!

"Could this employee by any chance be Matsumoto Hiroto?"

"How do you know?"

"Why, I have my ways. I'm an information broker after all."

"Right….so as you know, I came for information, I would like you to do a background check on him –"

"Which I've already done. Turns out that Matsumoto-san is part of the Yakuza –"

_SLAM_

"YAKUZA?!"

The loud yell came from the kitchen, making the man squeak in fright. Izaya could have sworn the floor under his feet had rumbled.

"DAMN FLEA, WHAT YAKUZA? YOU'RE NOT GETTING INTO ANY SHIT WHILE I'M HERE REPAYING MY DEBT – YOU'VE CAUSED ME ENOUGH FUCKING TROUBLE ALREADY!"

"Shizu-chan, I associate with the Yakuza on a daily basis! Now stop eavesdropping you idiotic protozoan _Shizuo_ and _quietly_ prepare breakfast! And I have no idea why you're so concerned all of a sudden but this guy here is _not_ from the Yakuza, if you could even eavesdrop properly, it's his employee who is a member of the Yakuza! And what trouble – you're the one causing me trouble here! Seriously, Heiwajima Shizuo!"

Izaya yelled in frustration in a half-rant, irritated at the interruptions by the unpredictable monster who had ruined his planned session with his client.

"..FINE! BUT I'M NOT SAVING YOUR ASS WHEN YOU GET YOURSELF INTO DEEP SHIT, SHITTY FLEA!"

"FINE! I CAN SAVE MY OWN ASS, AND SINCE WHEN HAVE _YOU_ EVER SAVED MY ASS?! You're always hunting down my ass – _not_ in that way, Nozomu-san!"

"I-I didn't say anything!"

Izaya scowled. Why the hell was that protozoan being so protective all of a sudden? Could it be after effects from his possessive behaviour when he had been drunk last night?

- Shizu-chan is seriously worse than those boyfriends possessive over their girlfriends! And he isn't even drunk now!

- Tch. Just what the hell does that monster think he's doing.

Izaya thought in irritation, unaware that the word 'Yakuza' had reminded Shizuo of the words a certain assassin had said to the man in a bartender suit while the information broker had been asleep.

"Uh, Orihara-san….?"

Izaya blinked himself back to reality. He resisted the urge to press his hand against his forehead.

It was as if he was the one experiencing a hangover.

The information broker inhaled, then replaced the scowl on his face with a genial smile, leaning his chin on his interlocked hands.

"As I was saying, Nozomu-san…."

...

...

"Oi flea, that guy gone?"

"Yes Shizu-chan, or have you suddenly gone blind?"

"Tch thought he might be hiding around somewhere."

Izaya inhaled for patience, and Shizuo spoke.

"By the way, Namie came by earlier."

"Eh?"

Shizuo looked at Izaya who was staring at him. "Your secretary. Namie, right?" He puffed on his cigarette. "She didn't seem surprised to see me. She asked me if I was staying. I told her I was, and she said to tell you she's taking today as a day off. Oh and we talked about stuff."

"….."

Izaya was annoyed. He had completely forgotten about Namie. He hadn't even noticed her lack of presence. He had been too annoyed by the monster in his apartment.

"What did you two talk about?"

Shizuo gave an annoyingly taunting smirk as he drawled, "Wouldn't you like to know."

Izaya twitched. As if Shizuo knew he was annoyed, he continued on, "We talked about you."

"What about me?"

"Guess." Shizuo puffed on his cigarette as he put the plates down.

"Why did you even talk to her anyway."

Izaya muttered, looking away. Shizuo looked at him in bemusement.

"Why else? 'Cause we both think you're a shitty bastard. Namie said she has no choice but to work with you, but she didn't tell me why. Tch, you blackmailed her didn't you?"

"I didn't blackmail her. And as for why, it's none of your business. And Namie? On first name basis already? Nice to know you two bonded over your hatred of me."

Izaya said, for there was no way he was going to tell Shizuo why. Celty was involved after all. He pulled out the chair and sat down.

"Yeah well everyone hates you, nothing surprising there."

"Of course, I'm a horrible person, I deserve to be hated."

"Glad you know, shitty flea."

"Yeah, yeah. Hey you didn't poison my breakfast did you?"

Izaya said, even as he took a bite of egg which was surprisingly not burnt and even good.

"Poison huh, well I might have taken and used the poison Namie offered me."

Izaya choked. He coughed, holding his throat, then glared at Shizuo. "What?! You –"

"Might – turns out I didn't. I didn't take it. I'm not like you, shitty flea." Shizuo said in clear amusement. He grinned, leaning his cheek on his hand. "Man, this is so fun. Your reaction is so amusing. Since when were you so gullible?"

"Since when did you become like me?" Izaya spat, truly wondering when he and Shizuo had switched personalities.

"Don't ever compare me to you." The amusement was replaced by coldness and an eerie sort of calmness.

"…"

Izaya said nothing, he averted his gaze from Shizuo's piercing eyes and ate his breakfast silently.

Shizuo didn't say anything after that, he didn't even ask if his breakfast was good – for it was. Not that Izaya would ever tell Shizuo that. He was almost disappointed nothing in his kitchen was broken so the monster didn't have to pay for the damage for there was no damage.

Which meant that though Shizuo was a brute, he was surprisingly proficient in the kitchen. And painstakingly patient. Probably from practice from having to cook from living alone. Nothing was burnt, everything was just the right taste. Izaya couldn't deny it for it was what the brute's cooking told him.

He wondered if Shizuo had asked Namie what he liked for breakfast, for the brute had served him exactly what he liked.

Izaya raised his gaze, and found Shizuo standing up from his chair. "Where are you going?"

"To put this out," Shizuo pointed at his cigarette, his gaze directed towards the ashtray on the table near the couches. Izaya blinked, and he said, "You don't like it, right? It would be rude of me to smoke at the breakfast table."

Izaya blinked again, watching as Shizuo walked past him.

For once, he didn't make any sarcastic remarks or taunts. Instead, he turned his attention back to consuming his breakfast.

For once, Shizuo hadn't insulted him in a sentence. Or called him a flea.

"…Idiot."

Izaya didn't notice he was smiling as he ate his breakfast.

...

"Hey Shizu-chan."

"What?"

"Don't you have work?"

"Huh?"

"You know, your job."

Izaya said slowly. He had finished breakfast and the silence felt too awkward.

Shizuo blinked, before his eyes lit up with realization.

"Oh that. I already messaged Tom-san, I told him I had a debt to pay. He said I could have the day off."

Shizuo shrugged as if that explained everything, and finished the rest of his breakfast. Izaya noticed it was different from his.

So Shizuo really had asked Namie what he wanted for breakfast. Izaya tried to ignore the little warmth in his heart at the fact.

"Right….Hey Shizu-chan?"

"What is it _now_?"

"While I appreciate your attempt to repay your debt, you still haven't explained why my door is on the floor."

Shizuo frowned and mumbled through his breakfast. "Aunostunremouretuhsusins."

"….What? What monster language are you speaking now, Shizu-chan?"

"…"

Shizuo swallowed his bread, then spoke again -

"Almost threw the door at assassins."

"Assassins?"

Shizuo gave him an annoyed glance. "And here I thought you were smart," he snorted, "Assassins. You know, people out to kill you?"

Izaya's mind whirled. There had been people out to kill him? The night before? Wait –

"Shizu-chan. You….saved me?"

Shizuo looked away. "Take it as you want." He said, standing up.

He paused. "Actually, take it as me repaying my debt for causing you trouble yesterday, even though it was you who caused me trouble in the first place." He scoffed.

"Right….but why did you have to dismantle my door? The repair cost isn't cheap you know!"

"Shut up, look at the place you stay in, you have lots of money, and I ain't paying for it, you owe me for being your temporary bodyguard anyway."

Shizuo said, but Izaya noticed he had turned his face away. He opened his mouth, and Shizuo continued –

"Curiosity killed the cat, fucking flea. So just shut up and be grateful, will you?!"

"…"

The realization hit Izaya then. That he would have died yesterday had Shizuo not been there. That he would have been killed in his sleep without even knowing. Or that he could have woken up with a knife being stabbed through his chest or a gunshot wound through his heart.

That he would have died – just like that. All for one careless mistake –

With the Italian mafia Boss. He recognized the cause now. He just hadn't thought the man was that powerful, that he would go so far as to have him dead even while he lay in the hospital.

Because no one had tried to assassinate him before, so he had let go of that possibility.

But he had been careless, too careless -

One miscalculation could have cost him his life.

"…Shizu-chan?"

"What flea?"

Shizuo said in annoyance. He had collected the plates and was walking to the kitchen.

"I -"

Izaya cleared his throat awkwardly, as if he was a shy student who had to introduce himself in front of the whole class when in fact he was just facing a man with his back turned to him.

"T-That is…."

"Spit it out, damn it! Why the hell are you acting so weird –"

"I-I just wanted to say thanks, okay?!" Izaya exclaimed, looking away.

"For protecting – no, saving….my life…."

For Izaya feared death which beheld nothingness, and treasured his life, and that was what Shizuo had done.

Saved him from death.

Even if it was the monster, he deserved at least a word of appreciation for his unpredictable stunt.

"…Tch. If that's all you wanted to say why the hell were you stuttering like some confessing schoolgirl?"

Shizuo muttered, still not looking at Izaya. But then he cleared his throat, and spoke slowly.

"Don't….mention it. Flea."

"….Can't you call me by my name for once."

Izaya said, as if he didn't actually expect Shizuo to reply. But the monster had to surprise him again.

"What? Tch fine. _You're welcome_, Izaya."

"…."

Shizuo had spoken the words formally as if they were strangers, with a tinge of sarcasm. Which was why Izaya didn't know why his face felt warm.

As if Shizuo had eyes on the back of his head, he turned, and blinked.

"…..Izaya, are you blushing?"

"What? Blushing? Why would I be blushing?" Izaya said smoothly, turning his face away. "You have a really weird imagination, Shizu-chan."

"….Anyway since you repaid your debt you can leave after you wash the dishes okay? You've occupied my apartment with your monstrous presence for long enough."

"…Oh no since my monstrous presence is causing you to lose control, I think I'd rather stay."

Izaya snapped his head up to see Shizuo's amused grin.

"I already told Tom-san I was taking the day off after all to _repay my debt_. Looks like you're stuck with me for a whole day, _Izaya."_

_"….!"_

Izaya wished he had Shizuo's strength so that he could throw the table at Shizuo. But he didn't, so had to settle for glaring daggers instead, as Shizuo laughed and continued on his way to the kitchen.

"Tch! So unpredictable."

Izaya scoffed, glaring after the monster and hoping he would break the plates so he could make him pay for the damage.

"This is why I hate him."

...

...

...

* * *

_When Shizuo says "You're welcome", he's using a formal expression, Douitashimashite (どういたしまして ). This can connote respect from the speaker. Shizuo using it with Izaya's first name instead of his last name Orihara is ironic, since "You're welcome" is said politely and formally, but the use of it with 'Izaya' instead of 'Orihara' is informal, especially without a honorific. Compared to when Shizuo said, "Don't mention it.", 問題ない (mondai nai), it's much more respectful. Mondai nai is something like 'It was no problem/Don't mention it'. It's casual and informal, but can also be seen as the speaker brushing off the gratitude - especially with Shizuo's tone when talking to Izaya._

_ Izaya was truly grateful towards Shizuo for saving his life, which was why he was down when Shizuo just brushed his gratitude off and called him a flea again. But then Shizuo said "You're welcome." Douitashimashite (どういたしまして ) - and he gets embarrassed because it's the first time Shizuo actually showed him any respect, even if it's slightly sarcastic. Especially as it's Shizuo who always uses informal speech, and rude/offensive speech when with Izaya.  
__  
Oh and when Izaya called Shizuo 'Shizuo' instead of the usual 'Shizu-chan' when he was pissed off he's mocking his name, Shizuo means Quiet Man and Shizuo wasn't being very quiet then. So he's essentially asking Shizuo (静雄) to quietly (Shizuka ni 静かに) prepare breakfast. Or just be more quiet since 静かに can also mean "Be quiet." Shizuka is also a common Japanese girl's name, so maybe Izaya is insinuating for Shizuo to be like a 'Shizuka' in preparing breakfast/be more docile? Hmm. I guess it could be seen that way...not that Shizuo will listen to Izaya though. Poor Izaya must really be pissed off to throw three stones at Shizuo with his pun. Of course, this is Shizuo we're talking about and it'd take more than three stones to hurt him._


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